[3307] in Humor
if architechts had to work like web designers
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Martha H Greenberg)
Sun Sep 10 07:27:55 2000
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2000 07:25:44 -0400
From: Martha H Greenberg <marthag@MIT.EDU>
IF ARCHITECTS HAD TO WORK LIKE WEB DESIGNERS
Dear Mr. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need,
so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between
two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the
bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to
me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost
breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one. Keep
in
mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am
currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the
deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen
vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough
insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance
costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost
features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not
to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please
take care that modern design practices and the latest materials
are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for
the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen
should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson
refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire
family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our
in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the
house
should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure
that
you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I,
however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make. Please
don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the
overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for
example,
it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep
in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build
the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and
specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the
house to be under roof within 48 hours. While you are designing this house
specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell
it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of
potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there
is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features
this
house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he
constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that
we
would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool.
With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new
house without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this
time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable
for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as
this!
To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such
freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact
me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the
instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your
responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past
and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this
responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer.
Please
advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
