[3262] in Humor
HUMOR: 19 Things that it took me 50 years to learn
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Fri Aug 4 16:29:05 2000
Date: Fri, 04 Aug 2000 16:19:05 -0400
To: HUMOR@mit.edu, mowu@mit.edu, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
kris@speechcode.com, jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@mit.edu, dahv@mit.edu,
mtsai@bqa.com, immer@mit.edu, jacktheflash@mediaone.net,
tlawlor@palmerdodge.com, tenn917@msn.com, lindamarc@juno.com,
bmendell@mediaone.net, nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
wthtx@aol.com, "mbullet@fas.harvard.edu" <mbullet@fas.harvard.edu>
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: Wmyn2Wmyn2@aol.com
>Date: Fri, 4 Aug 2000 15:18:49 EDT
>
>
>19 Things that it took me 50 years to learn
>- By Dave Barry
>
>1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
>same night.
>
>2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
>achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
>"meetings".
>
>3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
>4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
>you to share yours with them.
>
>5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
>decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger,
>a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
>
>6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>
>7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
>
>8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
>who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that
>individual is crazy.
>
>9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance!
>
>10. Never lick a steak knife.
>
>11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
>
>12. The two most powerful forces in the universe are compound interest and
>gossip.
>
>13. You will never find anybody who will give you a clear and compelling
>reason why we observe daylight savings time.
>
>14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you
>think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at
>that moment.
>
>15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting people to make a big
>deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
>
>16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
>religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
>ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
>
>17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
>people who are not in them.
>
>18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
>
>19. Your friends love you, anyway.
>
>**********
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
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