[3248] in Humor
HUMOR: Darwin Awards Newsletter -- 1 August 2000
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Wed Aug 2 13:59:16 2000
Date: Wed, 02 Aug 2000 13:27:58 -0400
To: mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>, kris@speechcode.com,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, lindamarc@juno.com, bmendell@mediaone.net,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
wthtx@aol.com, "mbullet@fas.harvard.edu" <mbullet@fas.harvard.edu>,
humor@MIT.EDU
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "LeBlanc, Paul N (GEAE)" <Paul.N.LeBlanc@ae.ge.com>
>To: "Gingras, Jack (GEAE)" <jack.gingras@ae.ge.com>,
> "'The LeBlancs'"
> <tenn917@msn.com>,
> "'tlawlor@palmerdodge.com'" <tlawlor@palmerdodge.com>,
> "'Sharalee M. Field'" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>,
> "Thibodeaux, Evis J (PS, PGS)" <evis.thibodeaux@ps.ge.com>
>Subject: FW: Darwin Awards Newsletter -- 1 August 2000
>Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 10:08:36 -0400
>X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2650.21)
>
>
> > >
> > > THE DARWIN AWARDS salute the improvement of the human genome
> > > by honoring those who accidentally kill themselves in really
> > > stupid ways.
> > >
> > > #=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#
> > > CHUTE BOY
> > > 2000 Darwin Award Nominee -- Confirmed True by Darwin
> > >
> > > (14 July 2000, Canada) It was a dare that Sheldon, 25, will
> > > literally never take again. He and a group of friends found
> > > themselves at a Calgary apartment after an evening spent
> > > at a local bar. It was there that a joking challenge was
> > > issued. "Who wants to ride the in-house water slide?"
> > > The slide was actually a garbage chute. Sheldon volunteered,
> > > tumbled into the opening, and his subsequent headlong slide
> > > beat the standard elevator service down to the first floor.
> > > An unforgiving trash compactor awaited his arrival, and
> > > friends administered CPR there until emergency crews arrived
> > > at the scene. But they were too late. The 12-story fall
> > > had already dispatched Sheldon to his Darwinian demise.
> > >
> > > #=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#
> > > DO IT YOURSELF, DO YOURSELF IN
> > > 2000 Darwin Awards Nominee -- Confirmed True by Darwin
> > >
> > > (2000, Colorado) Summer is the most blissful of seasons,
> > > when our favorite summertime activity -- do it yourself
> > > stupidity -- kicks into high gear. Meet Charles, 34, a
> > > Denver masonry contractor who created brick and mortar
> > > edifices. Charles was in construction. He had worked on
> > > houses, he had watched electricians install wiring. He
> > > believed this qualified him as a member of the Junior
> > > Electrician Society. He figured he could handle any
> > > electrical issue that came up around his own home.
> > >
> > > One day on the job, Charles was apparently bonked in the
> > > head by his bricks. He had the great idea! He would build
> > > an electric fence in his own backyard. "An electric fence
> > > will keep the dogs in." Charles connected a wire to an
> > > extension cord, and managed to encircle his backyard with
> > > a 120-V strand of wire without mishap. His dogs will not be
> > > sued for puppy support with this security system in place!
> > >
> > > The household became accustomed to the fence, and things
> > > settled down to normal, until Charles picked up a passion
> > > for gardening. Charles had a real nice set of tomatoes,
> > > and I'm not referring to his wife. One day he reached for
> > > a tomato, put his hand on the electrified wire, and there's
> > > really no need to explain what happened next.
> > >
> > > Why did this man die? Like other inexperienced people, he
> > > thought he knew what he was doing. But his design had two
> > > major flaws. Fences constructed for dogs use one-tenth the
> > > voltage of cattle fences (which do use 120 volts.) And he
> > > needed to install a repeater, which transmits 150-microsec
> > > pulses, to hit a cow with a jolt of juice that cuts off in
> > > time to avoid creating a pile of rare steaks by the fence.
> > >
> > > VOTE on this Darwin Award:
> > > http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-30.html?0008
> > >
> > > #=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#
> > > CESIUM INITIATIVE (SIEZING THE INITIATIVE)
> > > Personal Account -- Unconfirmed
> > >
> > > (New York) Stewart had always been interested in science.
> > > During a demonstration at his high school, Stewart saw that
> > > the elements lithium, sodium, and potassium all react with
> > > water. While assessing the periodic table, he noticed they
> > > were all in the same row, and became more reactive as they
> > > increased in mass. The last naturally occurring element in
> > > that column was cesium, an extremely reactive metal that
> > > catastrophically explodes in contact with water.
> > >
> > > Stewart used most of his money to buy a small amount of
> > > cesium, just 10 grams or enough to blow up a city block,
> > > from eBay with the help of his father and a credit card.
> > > When the ampoule of cesium arrived, he took it for a boat
> > > ride. After cracking the vacuum-sealed glass container,
> > > he threw the cesium out into Lake Erie...
> > > and was never seen again.
> > >
> > > One can only assume that he was instantly blown to smithereens
> > > by the chemical reaction. People heard the blast on the
> > > coast 5 miles away. Perhaps he should have opted for
> > > a less reactive metal, and only blown up a few fish.
> > >
> > > The lesson?
> > > Don't wash your hands with cesium.
> > > It will have an adverse affect your health.
> > > The moral of this story is, as always, one of the guiding
> > > principles of common sense: if you don't know how to do it,
> > > don't do it!
> > >
> > > #=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#
> > > FREEFALL PHYSICS LESSON. stupid lawyer tricks.
> > > http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1994-02.html?0008
> > >
> > > SKI SAN ANSELMO. there's a moral in there somewhere.
> > > http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1998-15.html?0008
> > >
> > > NIAGARA FALLS. once more into the breach!
> > > http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2000-26.html?0008
> > >
> > > PROP ARC SAFETY: know when to duck.
> > > http://www.darwinawards.com/personal/personal2000-27.html?0008
> > > #=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#=#
> > > Copyright 2000 DarwinAwards.com
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
60 John F. Kennedy Street, Cambridge MA 02138
V: 617.495.8257 F: 617.495.7881 C: 617.512.7847
