[3093] in Humor
Rap, Translated...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Paul J Thordarson)
Sat Feb 5 20:58:41 2000
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Cc: txi-bitch@MIT.EDU
Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2000 20:54:59 -0500
From: Paul J Thordarson <kapunga@MIT.EDU>
> This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school
> student who received the highest honors at the
> school district's ebonics translation competition.
> ASSIGNMENT: Please translate the following rap song
> lyrics from Ebonics to standard English.
>
> ARTIST: Notorious B.I.G.
> ALBUM: Ready to Die
> SONG: One More Chance (remix)
> LYRICS:
> First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
> Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
> Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
> But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
> Garbage, I turn like doorknobs Heart throb, never,
> black and ugly as ever
> However, I stay coochied down to the socks
> Rings and watch filled with rocks
>
> TRANSLATION:
> As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts
> with women of all kinds, including but not limited
> to those with limited intellect, nude magazine
> models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy
> sexual encounters with the latter group as they are
> generally disappointed in the fact that they only
> receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless
> of course, they douche on a consistent basis.
> Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to
> engage in these types of sexual acts with some
> regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related
> to my fancy and expensive jewelry.
>
> LYRICS:
> And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
> Girls pee pee when they see me,
> Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
> As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
> Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit
>
> TRANSLATION:
> I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo.
> Apparently, women enjoy this also because they
> become sexually aroused when they see me driving.
> Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American
> reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous
> Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes.
> Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such
> actions are unacceptable.
>
> LYRICS:
> Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it Now
> tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
> In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia I don't know
> what the hell's stoppin' ya
> I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya Once
> ya grin, I'm in game, begin
>
> TRANSLATION:
> Understand this fact: you can have neither my money,
> nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your
> peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts.
> Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the
> Junior Mafia. I'm having some difficulty
> understanding why you refuse to approach me. I
> am attempting to make eye contact with you through
> my expensive glasses,and as soon as you respond with
> a smile, I will approach you.
>
> LYRICS:
> First I talk about how I dress and this
> And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
> The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
> Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
> Climax that your man can't make
> Call and tell him you'll be home real late Let's
> sing the break
>
> TRANSLATION:
> I prefer to open the conversation with light banter>
> about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to
> discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is
> more than enough to convince you to have sexual
> intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis
> further into you when I enter you from behind.
> Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I
> understand this to be a problem with your current
> sexual partner. He needn't be concerned about your
> whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that
> you won't be home for a while. By the way, please
> sing the chorus of the song for me also.
>
> LYRICS:
> She's sick of that song on how it's so long
> Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
> There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
> Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
> Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
> True player for real, ask Puff Daddy
>
> TRANSLATION:
> Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear
> your fabrications about the length of your member.
> After I had sexual intercourse with
> your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper
> way it is supposed to be performed; violently and
> immorally. It would be in your best interest to
> keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is
> very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff
> Daddy.
>
> LYRICS:
> You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
> Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
> Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
> She beeped me, meet me at twelve
>
> TRANSLATION:
> Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at
> a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which you
> financed by signing over your current vehicle)
> containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone,
> your woman has contacted me
> through my pager indicating that we should
> rendezvous at midnight.
>
> LYRICS:
> Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes?
> While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke
> Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
> Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
> Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you
> I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?
>
> TRANSLATION:
> You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely
> able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you
> purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I
> continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit
> lewd osculatory acts with your woman. My only
> remaining option is to request that she leave my
> home and return to you because I have reached orgasm
> and no longer have a need for her presence.
>
> LYRICS:
> So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
> We can cruise the world with pearls
> Gator boots for girls
> The envy of all women, crushed linen
> Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
> The finest women I love with a passion
> Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'
>
> TRANSLATION:
> The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you
> choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on
> cruises around the world. I will dress you in the
> finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by
> women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelry.
> There is a special place in my heart for beautiful
> women. I will defeat your man in an altercation>
> because he is effeminate.
>
> LYRICS:
> High fashion - flyin' into all states.
> Sexin' me while your man masturbates.
> Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight.
> Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.
> Lyrically I'm supposed to represent.
> I'm not only the client, I'm the player president
>
> TRANSLATION:
> You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways
> of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for
> fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy sexual
> intercourse with me and your man will be forced to
> pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a
> life! I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch
> your 8 o'clock flight. The timing is perfect
> because I have scheduled a date with a second woman
> who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock. I'll seduce her in
> the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and I
> am a positive reflection of my home town.
> Not only am I a sexually deviant, misogynistic,
> immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on
> the board of directors of the organization
> that governs others of my kind.
