[3052] in Humor
Humor: Holiday Diet Tips
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P. Morales)
Wed Dec 29 12:51:09 1999
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 1999 10:48:45 -0700 (MST)
From: "Victor P. Morales" <morpheus@alum.mit.edu>
Reply-To: morpheus@alum.mit.edu
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Here is an old, but ever popular posting. I haven't seen it make the
rounds recently so here are some things to keep in mind now that the
silly season is almost over.
---------- Forwarded message ---------
HOLIDAY DIET TIPS
1 - If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2 - If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out.
3 - When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat
the same amount.
4 - Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any
chocolate used for energy, brandy, Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten
whole), and Haagen-Daz Ice Cream.
5 - Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are
a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's
personal fuel. This includes Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior
Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.
6 - Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage
causes calorie leakage.
7 - If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.
8 - If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get
walked off.
9 - Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.
10 - STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
