[304] in Humor
HUMOR: Lunch.
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Tue May 31 15:21:15 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 31 May 94 15:13:20 EDT
Date: Tue, 31 May 1994 18:58:05 -0600
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <matossian@aries.colorado.edu>
Forwarded-by: leedom@gauss.asd.sgi.com Fri May 27 13:35:46 1994
From: Jim ...
To: Jodi ...
Subject: What Jim wants for lunch
> To: Jim ...
> From: Jodi ...
>
> If you plan to attend Sharon's luncheon, please let me know your
> selection by Tuesday, June 7 ($10/person). The choices are:
>
> --Broiled Sole Fillets-lightly seasoned or stuffed and served with
> rice pilaf
> --Popcorn Shrimp-bite sized breaded shrimp served with a baked
> potato
> --Grilled Chicken Breast-marinated boneless chicken breast served
> with rice pilaf
> OR
> --Chicken Fresco-baked chicken tenderloins & vegatables all in a
> light garlic & parmesan cheese sauce, served over linguini with
> fresh brocolli
>
> Thanks! Jodi
Dear Jodi,
Thank you for arranging this luncheon for Sharon. I'm deciding what
to order, and I have a question.
What about us carnivores? I want meat. Red raw meat. I want them to
lead it in on a rope and I want it to "moo" when I bite into it. I don't
want anybody I know to see me eating "rice pilaf" or "chicken Fresco".
In fact I don't want anybody who knows anybody I know to see me doing
so. I want a dignified American meal of steak and potatoes by God,
served with flagons of blood-red wine. I want Hungarian red wine, with
a picture of a cow on the label. I want to think about Eastern
Europeans making this wine for slave wages and making it badly. I want
the whole bottle. I want several. I want it served on a white
tablecloth and I want that tablecloth to be so soiled when we're done
that it can't even be used for rags. I want a meal to remember, in the
midst of bawdy company. I want someone to tell off-color jokes and I
want us all to laugh till we cry. I want some of us to discover that
the person we've mumbled at as we've passed in the halls these last 5
years is a sexual rogue. I want several people to fail to return to work
afterward. I want to see a disciplinary memo sent down from the
director's office in the wake of all this. I want the restaurant to
refuse to serve anyone from the Lab for the next two years. I want to
generate gossip. I want media coverage. I want arrests. I want some
careers to be launched and others destroyed. I want this luncheon to
divide time into a before and an after. Despite her acute embarrassment
at all this, I want Sharon to change her mind and stay.
That's what I REALLY want. I just KNOW you're going to tell me I
can't have it. So I'll get back to you with my food order.
