[3035] in Humor
HUMOR: Gift Buying For Men
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Dec 14 14:58:05 1999
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 1999 14:55:11 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
kris@speechcode.com, jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU,
mtsai@bqa.com, immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com,
tlawlor@palmerdodge.com, paul.n.leblanc@ae.ge.com,
bmendell@mediaone.net, nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
wthtx@aol.com
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
>To: joker@joker.org
>Subject: Gift Buying For Men - Joke of the Day
>List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:leave-joker-255433J@send.memail.com>
>Reply-To: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
>Date: Mon, 13 Dec 1999 21:54:07 -0600
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> Ladies: Need help Gift Shopping for the man in your life?
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
> Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
>
> Rule #1:
> When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
> already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
> complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
> No one knows why.
>
> Rule #2:
> If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
> ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words "Hey George,
> can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with
> my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
>
> Rule #3:
> If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent
> ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear
> view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
>
> Rule #4:
> Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to
> wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
>
> Rule #5:
> You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn
> out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with
> the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips,
> and flips, and flips.
>
> Rule #6:
> Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or
> deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
>
> Rule #7:
> Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a
> couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks.
> Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
> No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
>
> Rule #8:
> Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
> It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
> No one knows why.
>
> Rule #9:
> Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber,
> Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.
> (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
> stores.) It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.
> ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this
> a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")
>
> Rule #10:
> Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
> (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane
> tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge!
> Who wants a hamburger?"
>
> Rule #11:
> Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not
> appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
> Everyone knows why.
>
> Rule #12:
> Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If
> you don't know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he
> gets a label maker.
>
> Rule #13:
> It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension
> ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension
> ladder. No one knows why.
>
> Rule #14:
> Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at
> least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
> manila rope. No one knows why.
> ___________________________________________________________
>
>
> This copy was delivered to: [sharalee_field@harvard.edu]
>
> Please send your jokes to: submit@joker.org
> ________________________________________________________
> ************
> The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!
>
> We make a living by what we get, but we make a life
> by what we give.
> -Winston Churchill
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
