[2941] in Humor
HUMOR: Compilation of Engineer Jokes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Thu Sep 16 13:09:25 1999
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 1999 13:01:17 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, immer@MIT.EDU,
jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com, nkahn@gph.com,
GDeVoe@rimco.com, "Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com, Jay M Phillips <jmphill@fas.harvard.edu>
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
From: May Tsai <mtsai@bqa.com>
To: "'sharalee_field@harvard.edu'" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
Subject: FW: engineer joke
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 1999 09:51:42 -0700
Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
*****************************
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
*******************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
[dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let
them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
***********************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years
later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they
were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried
everything
and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In
desperation, they
called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in
the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine.
At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the
machine and stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was
replaced and the
machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They
demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
**********************************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
**********************************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
***************************************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
*********************************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
*********************************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to
spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab
and get some work done."
*************************************
Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over,
picked up the
frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
