[2890] in Humor
HUMOR: Groaners
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Aug 6 12:48:28 1999
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 06 Aug 1999 12:47:55 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
>
>Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
>bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed
>in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
>A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
>shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
>just have to be a little patient."
>
>A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
>with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of
>a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When
>the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye
>and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
>
>Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
>produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
>watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west.
>It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
>compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico
>rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression,
>"He who has a Tates is lost!"
>
>A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory
>equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely
>nothing to go on."
>
>An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
>After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip
>of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew
>and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the
>medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
>shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
>
>A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
>missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
>local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
>Leif off my census."
>
>There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on
>an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
>pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
>hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of
>the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
>hides.
>
>___________________________________________________________________
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Merlyn Liberty
The Wingspread Collector's Guide Online
"The Hub for New Mexico Art on the Web"
WWW: http://www.collectorsguide.com/ E-mail: merlyn@swcp.com
Snail: PO Box 13566, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87192
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