[280] in Humor
HUMOR: Academic structure
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri May 20 16:53:38 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 20 May 94 16:49:48 EDT
Date: Thu, 19 May 94 14:46:38 PDT
From: ckleinja@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: Michael Leibig <leibig@sbitp.ucsb.edu>
From: Roger Freedman <airboy@physics.ucsb.edu>
THE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Takes a few steps on water
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
INSTRUCTOR/POSTDOC
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays Russian Roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays alot
GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recongnizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorsep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself
DEPARTMENT/GROUP SECRETARY
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She IS God
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