[2789] in Humor
HUMOR: a gaggle of groaners
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Mon Apr 26 17:24:23 1999
Date: Mon, 26 Apr 1999 17:22:47 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>To: ljr@MIT.EDU
>Cc: pug@alum.MIT.EDU (Sharalee Field)
>Reply-To: abennett@alum.MIT.EDU
>Subject: hee hee...
>Date: Mon, 26 Apr 1999 16:44:26 EDT
>From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
>
>OK, so they're not all original... :)
>
>-Drew
>
>
> 1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
> fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't
> have your kayak and heat it, too.
>
> 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
> and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton
> fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became
> known as the lesser of two weevils.
>
> 3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles
> up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
> 4. This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in
> his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says,
> "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later
> and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's
> with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "Oh, there's no plate like chrome
> for the hollandaise!"
>
> 5. When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
>
> 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain
> during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
> 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
> standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
> After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
> them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.
> "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
> foyer."
>
> 8. A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a
> hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit,
> and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03
> p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the
> bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract.
> Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory
> nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time,
> took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut
> daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory
> daiquiri, Doc."
>
> 9. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something
> to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree
> reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The
> lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured
> him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and
> writers cramp.
>
> 10. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent
> in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns
> would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
