[2748] in Humor
Graduate School(tm): The Game
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jennifer Ann Cooper)
Mon Apr 5 15:39:52 1999
Date: Mon, 5 Apr 1999 15:37:32 -0400
From: jyc@obl.bidmc.harvard.edu (Jennifer Ann Cooper)
To: humor@MIT.EDU
>>Graduate School(tm): The Game
>>
>>Hey kids, check out the cool new game that's sweeping the nation!
>>Be the first on your block to own a copy of "Graduate School(tm):
>>The Game" from TenureCo, the makers of such classics as "Rush Hour
>>Madness," "My First Blue Book Exam," "Little Lawyer," and "Johnny Tax
>>Auditor."
>>
>>With "Graduate School(tm): The Game" you can experience all the
>>fun and realism of grad school in the comfort of your own home.
>>Every nuance of the real graduate experience is reproduced in
>>this game. The game takes you through the whole process:
>>
>>- application
>>- acceptance
>>- classwork
>>- research
>>- data analysis
>>- psychoanalysis
>>- authorship battles
>>- boring talks
>>- confusing talks
>>- long talks
>>- incomprehensible talks
>>- depression
>>- social isolation
>>- job hunting
>>And so much more!
>>
>>Call all your friends over for years of wholesome fun.
>>Check out these great features of
>>"Graduate School(tm): The Game:"
>>
>>* Choose Your Own Character
>>
>>You have your choice of a wide variety of characters:
>>- Jill: the emotionally unstable ABD
>>- Fred: the naive first-year
>>- Harold: the overwhelmed and under-funded RA
>>- Laura: the disgruntled TA
>>- Jacques: the exploited international student
>>- Backstabbing Caroline: the political opportunist
>>And many, many more...
>>
>>* Confront a Wide Array of Interesting Opponents
>>
>>Throughout your quests in strange and exotic lands you will
>>encounter people who apparently receive great joy at your
>>misfortune, in fact they are a major cause of this misfortune:
>>- Administress: the evil secretary with her dreaded red tape
>>- Prof. Rewrite: if he gets on your committee you're doomed
>>- Metoo: A fellow grad student who becomes a dead weight on all
>>your projects
>>- Ronny: The smelly undergrad RA who scares all your subjects
>>away
>>- Partytime Pamela: Invites you to time wasting parties every
>>other night
>>- Prof. Touchy-Feely: A sexual harrassment case waiting to happen
>>- Rod Starr: Super Grad Student, makes you look bad by
>>graduating in 12 days
>>- Susan Stickyfingers: Your kleptomaniac officemate
>>Along with dozens of others!
>>
>>* Real Life Challenges
>>
>>Pick a Setback Card and see what fun adventures await you:
>>- Join a Committee: Research slows down 1/2
>>- Videogame attack: Lose 12 turns playing Snood
>>- One More Analysis: Repeat all previous analyses
>>- Dissertation Scooped: Go back to "new candidate" status
>>- Get Drunk at a Conference: Spin the Faculty Insult Wheel for
>>your penalty
>>- Advisor Retires/Moves/Changes Interests: Start over
>>- Car Towed: Sell your stereo to get it out of hock, lose
>>motivation
>>To name a few...
>>
>>* Different Ways to Finish!
>>
>>Most games are boring. They have a "winner" and a bunch of "losers."
>>The goal of "Graduate School(tm): The Game" is different.There are
>>no winners in grad school, only survivors and failures. Your goal
>>is to be a survivor, that means different things to different
>>people. There are a wide range of ways to survive:
>>
>>- Go to law school: Successfully escape
>>- Marry rich: Don't worry anymore
>>- Find God: Science is for fools
>>- Family: Change your priorities
>>- Capitalize on one of your ideas and make millions: Ah, engineering...
>>- Graduate: ???
>>
>>"Graduate School(tm): The Game" -- Look for it in stores near
>>you!
>>
>>
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