[2725] in Humor
HUMOR: Buying Paint
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Mon Mar 22 18:58:37 1999
Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 18:50:17 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, Courtney Nichols <crnichol@fas.harvard.edu>
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
>Subject: Buying Paint
>Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999 00:18:32 -0600
>
> The Original Joke of the Day http://www.joker.org
> ___________________________________________________________
>
>
> BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
>
> Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
>
> Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium
> for $18. How many gallons would you like?
>
> Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
>
> Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
>
> BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
>
> Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
>
> Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
>
> Customer: Depends on what?
>
> Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
>
> Customer: How about giving me an average price?
>
> Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is
> $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a
> gallon.
>
> Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
>
> Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same
> paint.
>
> Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
>
> Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When
> do you intend to use it?
>
> Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
>
> Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
>
> Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get
> the $9 version?
>
> Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have
> to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and
> continue painting until at least Sunday.
>
> Customer: You've got to be kidding!
>
> Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have
> to check to see if we have any of that paint available
> before I can sell it to you.
>
> Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it
> to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it
> right there.
>
> Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have
> it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain
> number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way,
> the price just went to $12.
>
> Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking!
>
> Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules
> thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually
> walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided
> to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I
> would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many
> gallons do you want?
>
> Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I
> should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.
>
> Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint
> and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and
> possible confiscation of the paint you already have.
>
> Customer: What?
>
> Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your
> kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop
> painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation
> of our tariffs.
>
> Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all
> the paint? I already paid you for it!
>
> Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just
> the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you
> will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes
> us all sorts of problems.
>
> Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will
> happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!
>
> Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.
>
> Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to
> buy my paint.
>
> Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same
> rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.
>
> ___________________________________________________________
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
