[2700] in Humor
GM responds to Microsoft
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Erin Shea)
Sat Mar 6 18:26:45 1999
Date: Sat, 06 Mar 1999 18:25:45 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Erin Shea <ekshea@MIT.EDU>
Subject: Bill Gates versus General Motors
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer
industry with the Auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press
release stating (by Mr. Welch himself): If GM had developed technology
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics":
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy
a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart it and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuvers, such as a left turn, it would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart. In which case,
you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
"Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive but would only run on five
percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be
replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in, until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
Rand-McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither
need them, nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would
immediately cause the car's performance to diminish 50% or more.
Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice
Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would be the
same.
13. You'd press the "START" button to shut off the engine.
<center>Erin Kathleen Shea
MIT Class of 2002
East Campus Wood 511
<<http://web.mit.edu/ekshea/www/home.html>
"lose not thine airspeed, lest the ground reach up and smite
thee"
