[2665] in Humor
No subject found in mail header
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Roxanne M Cartwright)
Tue Feb 16 20:01:05 1999
To: humor@MIT.EDU, sigmas-humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1999 19:59:42 EST
From: Roxanne M Cartwright <roxie@MIT.EDU>
------- Forwarded Message
Received: from SOUTH-STATION-ANNEX.MIT.EDU by po8.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA03146; Tue, 16 Feb 99 19:53:16 EST
Received: from f183.hotmail.com by MIT.EDU with SMTP
id AA12089; Tue, 16 Feb 99 19:53:03 EST
Received: (qmail 11918 invoked by uid 0); 17 Feb 1999 00:53:10 -0000
Message-Id: <19990217005310.11917.qmail@hotmail.com>
Received: from 18.107.0.36 by www.hotmail.com with HTTP;
Tue, 16 Feb 1999 16:53:06 PST
X-Originating-Ip: [18.107.0.36]
From: "Descent God" <descentr3@hotmail.com>
To: autodeletion@hotmail.com
Subject: little johnny
Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1999 16:53:06 PST
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain
Red and Shiny
The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class
the following question, " What is bright red and shiny?"
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine!!!!???"
"No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think.
Anyone else?"
Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy
except Johnny of course (well he has to be otherwise there wouldn't be
a punch line to this joke). Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if
he can ask a question to which she nodded OK. " What is long, hard,
rounded and has hair at one end? "
"JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..."
Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you think!"
Salesman
A travelling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says,
"Little boy, is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the
carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Beautiful
The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the
front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is
"beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use
"beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and
said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
Little>Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room,thought for a moment and
said, "Teacher,the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I
have ever seen."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit.
Little Johnny,it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room,thought for a moment and
said, "Teacher,last night my big sister told my dad that she was
pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"
Math Class
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
problems when his teacher picked him toanswer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one
with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher.
"But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said,I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop,one licking her cone, the second
biting her cone, and the third one sucking hercone, which one is married
?
Well," said the teacher neverously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding
ring on her finger. But I like the way you are
thinking.
Sex
Little Johnny was a curious little guy and was
always asking questions.
One day,when his aunt was visiting, he
went into his typical interrogation.
Johnny: Auntie,Auntie, Auntie, how old are you?
Auntie: Well Johnny,that's not a question that you ask a lady.
Johnny: Auntie,Auntie, Auntie, how much do you weigh?
Auntie: Johnny!
That's not a question you ask a lady.
Johnny: Auntie,Auntie, Auntie, why don't
you and your boyfriend sleep in the same bed?
Auntie: Johnny, stop this! That's not a question
you ask a lady!
Johnny went off to play but the next day he was talking
to his aunt again.
Johnny: Auntie,Auntie, Auntie, I know how old you are.
You're 32 years old.
Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how
much you weigh. You're 135 pounds.
Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that?
Johnny: And Auntie,Auntie, Auntie. I know
why you don't sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend.
Auntie: Johnny! Stop this! How do you know all this?
Johnny: Well, I found your driver's license last night.
Here it says that you're 32 years old and here it
says that you weigh 135 pounds. And right down here it
explains why you don't sleep in the
same bed as your boyfriend.
Auntie: Where does it say that?
Johnny: Right here.
It says you got an "F" in Sex.
What are you doing
Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming
from his parents' bedroom.
He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room.
Before he made it to the end of the hall,the noises had ceased and the
bathroom light had gone on.
Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a
used condom.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.
His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his
son.
"I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice." replied his
father.
Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion
and said, "Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?"
No Fighting
Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a
black eye. His father see's it and says
Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the
other boys?"
But Dad, it wasn't myfault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We
all stood up and myteacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of
her butt. I reached over and pulled it out.
Thats when she hit me!
"Johnny", the father said. You
don't do those kind of things to women.
Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with
the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault.
There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my
teacher in front of us had her dress in thecrack of her butt.
Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw
it and he reached over and pulled it
out. Now I know she doesn't like this,so I pushed it back in!"
Classroom Trivia
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and anounces to the
class that on each Friday,she will ask a question to the class and
anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following
Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How
many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could
answer.
The following Friday,the teacher asks the class,
How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday,
he would somehow answer the questionand get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night,Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them
black.Thenext day, he brings them to school in a paperbag.
And at the end of the day when the teacher says, "Here's this week's
question,"Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong
balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who
find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
The teacher says, "Okay, who's the comedian with the blackballs?"
Immediately, littleJohnny stands up and says,
"Bill Cosby,see ya on Tuesday!"
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
------- End of Forwarded Message
