[2610] in Humor
HUMOR: You Have Two Cows...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Jan 12 16:00:58 1999
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 1999 16:01:45 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, cnichols@fas.harvard.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
>Subject: Feudalism: You Have Two Cows
>Date: Mon, 04 Jan 1999 02:01:26 -0600
>
>
>
> FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
>
> PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
> puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take
> care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as
> you need.
>
> BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes
> them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are
> cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
> chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The
> government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the
> regulations say you should need.
>
> FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you
> to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
>
> PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
> care of them, and you all share the milk.
>
> RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of
> them, but the government takes all the milk.
>
> DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and
> shoots you.
>
> SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines
> you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
>
> MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and
> drafts you.
>
> PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who
> gets the milk.
>
> REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
> someone to tell you who gets the milk.
>
> AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows
> if you vote for it. After the election, the president is
> impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the
> affair "Cowgate".
>
> BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps'
> brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
>
> BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
> regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
> Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both,
> shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
> Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
> missing cows..
>
> ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair
> price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
>
> CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
>
> HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them
> to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit
> opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a
> debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get
> all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
> The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
> intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
> majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows'
> milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
> the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
> Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
>
> ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you
> from milking or killing them.
>
> FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal
> calf.
>
> TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
> and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
>
> COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
> You got to have some of this milk.
>
> SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you
> to take harmonica lessons.
>
> LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the
> constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas
> about government. The cow runs for office, and while most
> people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except
> the other cow votes for her because they think it would be
> "throwing their vote away."
> ___________________________________________________________
>
>
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