[2597] in Humor
Headlines of our times
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Riyaz B Bachani)
Thu Dec 17 16:35:46 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU, dubba@MIT.EDU, clique@mitvma.mit.edu, turbulence@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1998 16:31:22 EST
From: Riyaz B Bachani <bachani@MIT.EDU>
>
>59 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)
> ==================================================
> 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
> 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
> 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be
> Belted
> 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
> 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
> 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
> 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
> 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
> 9. Stud Tires Out
> 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
> 11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
> 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
> 13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
> 14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
> 15. Eye Drops off Shelf
> 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
> 17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
> 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
> 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
> 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
> 21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
> 22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
> 23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
> 24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
> 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
> 26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
> 27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
> 28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
> 29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
> 30. War Dims Hope for Peace
> 31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
> 32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
> 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
> 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
> 35. Deer Kill 17,000
> 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
> 37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
> 38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
> 39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
> 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
> 41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
> 42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
> 43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
> 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
> 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
> 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
> 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
> 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
> 49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
> 50. Air Head Fired
> 51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
> 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
> 53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
> 54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
> 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
> 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
> 57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
> 58. Include your Children When Baking Cookies
> 59. 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves
>
>
>
>Amo,
>May peace favor your sword, and you always walk in the light.
>Matthew S. Nixon<manixon@davidson.edu/The Gallant Galant.
>"...you can fight; But it's our wits that make us men...Your heart is free.
>Have the courage to follow it."
>***Brave-Heart***
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