[2585] in Humor
fwd: Doomed
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Michael A. Behr)
Wed Dec 9 09:53:48 1998
Date: Wed, 09 Dec 1998 09:50:16 -0500
From: "Michael A. Behr" <mabehr@inconcert.com>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Rourke McNamara <rourkem@rourkem.com>
From: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: Adam Shand <larry@alaska.net>
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
* On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
* Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating
* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body
* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine
Do not drive car or operate machinery
* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness
* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use
* On Sainsbury's Peanuts
Warning: contains nuts
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
