[2580] in Humor
dear abby
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Irina Margolin)
Tue Dec 8 15:13:32 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 08 Dec 1998 15:08:15 EST
From: Irina Margolin <racha@MIT.EDU>
Excerpts taken from real letters sent to Dear Abby
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've
never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think
they could be Lebanese?
Curious
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even
sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on
the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to
discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it
would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I
tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through
her mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years
ago and he IS a doctor.
Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to
give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd
like?
Carol
Dear Carol, Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a
ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can
a baby this big be that early?
Wondering
Dear Wondering, The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my boy is seventy-three and he's still
chasing women. Any suggestions?
Annie
Dear Annie, Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years,
but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't
afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
Sam
Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office.
Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write?
Ted
Dear Ted, The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
Dear Abby,
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with
no bad habits.
Rose
Dear Rose, So would I.
Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Bess
Dear Bess, Night and Day
