[252] in Humor
HUMOR: Job Description
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri May 6 09:51:21 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 06 May 94 09:48:55 EDT
Now you know where system administrators get their start...
-Drew
Date: Thu, 5 May 1994 20:51:16 -0600
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <matossian@aludra.colorado.edu>
Subject: From the Book of the Jaguar Priest
1. To impersonate and invoke the deity.
2. To offer food and drink to the idols.
3. To effect the drawing of the pebbles and regulate the calendar.
4. To read weather and other omens in the clouds.
5. To study the night sky and interpret the appearance of the
celestial bodies.
6. To determine the lucky and unlucky days for various mundane
activities by the casting of lots.
7. To perform the numerous rituals of the cup, plate, etc.
8. To work miracles.
9. To concoct medicinal herbs into ceremonial drinks.
10. To predict the future.
11. To announce the times for various agricultural and other activities.
12. To insure adequate rainfall.
13. To avert or bring to a timely end famine, drought, epidemics,
plagues of ants and locusts, earthquakes.
14. To distribute food to the hungry in time of need.
15. To cut the honey from the hives.
16. Tp determine the compensation to be placed on the crossroad altars.
17. To read from the sacred scriptures the future road of the katun
[calendar round].
18. To design and supervise the carving of stelae [stone monuments],
the manufacture of word and clay idols, and the construction of
temples.
19. To construct tables of eclipses and heliacal risings of planets
[such as are found in the Dresden Codex].
Reference:
1. Makemson, M.W. The Book of the Jaguar Priest, a translation of the
Book of Chilam Balam of Tizimin, with commentary. Henry Schuman,
New York, 1951, p. 141.
