[251] in Humor
HUMOR: Cat resume
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu May 5 16:36:02 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 05 May 94 16:30:33 EDT
Date: Thu, 5 May 94 13:05:01 PDT
From: ckleinja@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: hjerney@hudsonbay.SJF.novell.com (Helena Jerney)
>From xilinx!xilinx.com!emily@uunet.UU.NET Fri Apr 29 12:56:56 1994
------- Forwarded Message
Subject: Subject: Cat Seeks Job: Resume Included - rec.pets.cats #44429
In article <hattieCoux9p.JK8@netcom.com>, hattie@netcom.com (Susan Hattie
Steinsapir) writes:
Ernie, Esq.
Main St., Alley #3,
Sacramento, CA 95816
Tel: (916) 448-8888
Fax: (916) 448-9999
ernie.cat@netcom.com
Career Goal
Long term position as HOUSECAT.
Qualifications
* Omnivorous. Strong rodent-control capabilities.
* Excellent nonverbal communication skills. Highly trained purring.
* Affectionate. Adaptable. Rare feline willingness to follow
established guidelines.
* Proven stud potential.
Experience
BARNCAT Westchester Estates, New York. March 1988-May 1990
* Ensured day-to-day rodent control for two story, 35,000 sq.
foot barn.
* Consumed over five rodents per day (average).
* Achieved 37% reduction in barn swallow population.
* Awarded feline leukemia inoculation after one month of service.
* Earned in-house privileges for outstanding service and
behavior after only two months on the job!
ALLEYCAT Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, California. November
1986-February 1988
* Successfully maintained territorial boundaries of four square
block area in notoriously competitive and dangerous location.
* Developed proficiency in urban survival, hunting, and
scavenging skills.
* Honored by co-cats for consistent expertise in maneuvering
safely and adroitly through heavy traffic of skateboards,
cars, and rollerskates.
* Known sire of 77 litters in a nine month period.
Education
Certificate: Feline Deportment, February, 1987.
* Tom & Jerry, Associates, Hollywood, California. 1 year
intensive study with Tom of famed "Tom & Jerry" partnership.
High honors.
References available on request.
