[2458] in Humor
FW: HUMOR: The EU Dream
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jason Lima)
Thu Sep 17 16:27:56 1998
From: "Jason Lima" <lima@MIT.EDU>
To: "HUMOR_LIST" <humor@MIT.EDU>
Date: Thu, 17 Sep 1998 16:17:45 -0400
Here's an intriguing funny for all euro-philes (or otherwise witty people
who enjoy linguistic humor)...
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room
for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be
known as "EuroEnglish":
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the languag is disgrasful, and
they should go away.
By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
