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From: "Margolin, Irina" <Irina.Margolin@NERA.com> To: humor@MIT.EDU Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 12:02:46 -0400 I think that something like this might already been sent to humor once..... > > This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the > newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation > Board. > > > > Dear Sir; > > I am writing in response to your request for additional information in > lock #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the > cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust > the following details will be sufficient. > > I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working > alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I > completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when > weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the > bricks > down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley > which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth > floor. > > Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the > barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied > the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs > of > bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight > is > 135 lbs. > > Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost > my > presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I > proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. > > In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now > proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the > fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed > in > Section 3, accident reporting form. > > Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until > the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley > which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately > by > this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold > tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now > beginning to experience. > > At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the > ground-and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the > weight > of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. > > I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid > descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third > floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two > fractured > ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. > > Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel > seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the > pile > of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. > > I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, > in > pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above > me, > I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope. > > > ************************************ > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Arthur Amolsch [SMTP:art@americamail.com] > Sent: Monday, May 11, 1998 11:15 AM > To: Yee Wah Chin; chrisamolsch@yahoo.com; Genevieve McCarthy; Kira > Amolsch; mmadden@fdic.gov > Subject: For your amusement > > > These came to me from one of my high school classmates, who received > them from his son: > > > 1998 Darwin Award Candidates > > be afraid... be very afraid > > They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the > Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the > universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the > most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has > been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole > lives for this event. > > DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES > > 1 In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in > two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide > sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. > > 2 In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally > zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a > 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run. > > 3 Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had > dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it Beachgoers said > Daniel > Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had > been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when > it > collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand People on the beach, on > the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their > way > to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It > took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him > while about 200 people looked on Jones was pronounced dead at a > hospital. > > 4 In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as > he > fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was > burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed > in > his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull > as > he hit the floor. > > 5 According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, > was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, > who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest > Berrena was wearing. > > 6 Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, > Del , as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a > revolver > loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. > > 7 In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont , Daniel Kolta, > 27, > and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie > in > the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles. > > 8 In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near > Ozark, Ark , after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked > the > spot where another person had fallen to his death in 1990. > > > DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS > > (1) In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a > millipede > with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a > rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, > fracturing > his skull. > > (2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean > out > cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom, instead, favoring a > propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second > floors > of his house. > > (3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in > September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of > dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the > bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to > see > what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the > window > was closed. > > (4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual > festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This > year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, > including > one gored in the head and one "Bobbittized". Said one participant, > "It's > just one bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons." > > > and SOME MORE ALSO RANs: > > Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents: > > Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying > masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and > contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn > gum > tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had > been bitten off. > > Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work > and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him > "I'm > still not sure why I did it," she said later "I was really close to > the > car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have > been > for more than two seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost > control of his cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the > Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was > cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building > made her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, > he bit down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound > was caused by a falling piece of the medical building. > > > TACOMA, WA -Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when > one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the > Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew > more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the > bridge > at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered > that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued > drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable > lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and > the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before > the > cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously > survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two > nearby > fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching > out > for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." > Bingham's foot was never located. > > > > ***************************************** > > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Douglas J. Goglia [SMTP:dougjg@earthlink.net] > Sent: Friday, April 03, 1998 5:20 PM > To: Yee Wah Chin; Yee Wah Chin; IJWOLPERT@phjw.com; > Asadosky@aol.com; Laurie.Lucchina@unilever.com; VicVitelli@aol.com; > stoner@vail.net; suzcolco@vail.net; phrudy@vail.net; > actntrvl@colorado.net; tgoglia@hotmail.com; adam.hemlock@weil.com; > crothste@arelaw.com; cmsmolka@sprynet.com; DFoley@nrdc.org; > dblumenthal@ftc.gov; elipkowitz@ftc.gov; rwaldman@ftc.gov; > ddamato@ftc.gov; dlamson@gj.net; doshinsky@irell.com; > verheulj@std.teradyne.com; JAPTON@synchor.com; > tarkine@worldnet.att.net; > corpwrks@dnvr.uswest.net; ONeillJ@arentfox.com; lcarroll@zoo.uvm.edu; > lynnj@his.com; amwalt@pil.net; NORIKOY@worldnet.att.net; > PMFoley@Cromwell-Partners.com; IJWOLPERT@phjw.com; Asadosky@aol.com; > Laurie.Lucchina@unilever.com; VicVitelli@aol.com; stoner@vail.net; > suzcolco@vail.net; phrudy@vail.net; actntrvl@colorado.net; > tgoglia@hotmail.com; adam.hemlock@weil.com; chris@spinergy.com; > crothste@arelaw.com; cmsmolka@sprynet.com; DFoley@nrdc.org; > dblumenthal@ftc.gov; elipkowitz@ftc.gov; rwaldman@ftc.gov; > ddamato@ftc.gov; dlamson@gj.net; doshinsky@irell.com; > verheulj@std.teradyne.com; JAPTON@synchor.com; > tarkine@worldnet.att.net; > corpwrks@dnvr.uswest.net; ONeillJ@arentfox.com; lcarroll@zoo.uvm.edu; > lynnj@his.com; amwalt@pil.net; NORIKOY@worldnet.att.net; > PMFoley@Cromwell-Partners.com; gonyes@ppfizer.com > Subject: Fwd: har, har > > > > >> > THE 1997 DARWIN AWARDS > >> > > >> > It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees for > 1997. > >> > Thankfully, these nominees will no longer be contributing to the > gene pool. > > >> > You may recall last year's (1996) Darwin Award winner: the man > who > found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff > that > the JATO (jet assist take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not > be turned off once it was turned on. And 1995's winner was the fellow > who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled on top of him as he was > attempting to tip a free soda out of it. > >> > > >> > > >> > The 1997 nominees are: > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #1 [San Jose Mercury News] > >> > An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a > former > girl friend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the > gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] > >> > James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was > trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns > got > a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath > so > that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' > clothes > caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped > in > the drive shaft." > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #3 [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] > >> > Man slips, falls 23 stories to his death. A man cleaning a bird > feeder on his balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto > suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police said Monday. > Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair Sunday when the > accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel regional > police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," > Honer > said. "It's one of those freak accidents. No foul play is suspected." > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #4 [Hickory Daily Record] > >> > Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in > December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing > telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead > a > Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his > ear. > > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #5 [UPI, Toronto] > >> > Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a > downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder > and > plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, > fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early > Friday > evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to > visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of > window strength according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing > partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper > that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" of the 200-man > association. > > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #6 [AP, Cairo, Egypt] > >> > Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that > had > fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18 year-old farmer was the > first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after > an > undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and > two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help > him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they > apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six > were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 > miles south of Cairo. The chicken was rescued alive. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #7 [Bloomburg News Service, 25 March] > >> > A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for > the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on > his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his > system. > His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of > other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears > that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud > that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows > been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in > his > near airtight bedroom. He was "...a big man with a huge capacity for > creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one > was > hospitalized. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #9 [San Jose Mercury News] > >> > A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was killed near > Lantana, > Fla., in March when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of > Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man > was traveling at 80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was > found > open and clutched to his chest, had been busy reading. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #10 [The News of the weird.] > >> > JOINT NOMINEE > >> > Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously in > 1989. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric > chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to > life > in prison. In March 1989, sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and > attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was > electrocuted. On Jan. 1, 197, Laurence Baker, also a convicted > murderer > once on death row, but later serving a life sentence at the state > prison > in Pittsburgh, Pa., was electrocuted by his homemade earphones as he > watched his small TV while sitting on his metal toilet. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #11["The Indianapolis Star"]. > >> > Cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion Dunkirk, > Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the > barrel > of a muzzleloader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged > in > his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died > in > his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said > Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing > properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the > gunpowder ignited. > > > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #12 [AP, Mammoth Lakes] > >> > A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the > Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, > authorities said. Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at > Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the > Mono > County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had > hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam > protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the > Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers > who > might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down > the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It was not clear if the > tower he hit was one with its pad removed. "With the cold tmperatures, > the snow was probably pretty fast," said Donnelly. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #13 [Reuters, Warsaw, Poland] > >> > A poacher electrocuting fish in a lake in central Poland fell > into > the water and suffered the same fate as his quarry, police said > Thursday. The 24-year-old man was one of four who went fishing with a > cable, one end of which they attached to a net and the other to a > high-voltage electricity supply line, the PAP news agency quoted a > police official in Wloclawek as saying. "For a while everything went > according to the poachers' plan and they had fish in their bags. But > at > a certain moment the man holding the net tripped and fell into the > water," the agency said. The other poachers tried in vain to revive > him, > it said. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #14 [AP, St. Louis] > >> > Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis > market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot > dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. > Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed > the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death. > > >> > > >> > NOMINEE 15 [Unknown] > >> > To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on > an > overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE 16 [Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA] > >> > Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party. A man at a party > popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an > explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said > Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a > prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. 'Another > man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to > explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, 'I'll > show you how to set it off. "I just can't imagine anyone doing that," > Payne said. > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #17 > >> > In December near Mineral Wells, Tex., three men who were > attempting > to steal copper wire off live electrical lines for resale were > electrocuted. Copper wiring is a valuable scrap metal in Texas but is > usually stolen from "dead" electric cables. > >> > > > >> > A future nominee/winner, that hasn't quite met full Darwin > criteria: > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #18 [UPI, Portland, OR] > >> > Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said Wednesday an > Oregon > man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, > and > will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his > right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, > Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A friend tried to shoot a > beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right eye. > Doctors > said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel > would have cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. > Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow > went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the > rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood > vessels. > Delashaw also said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own > he > surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and > his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel > dumb" No charges have been filed but the Josephine County district > attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. > >> > > >> > A future nominee/winner, that hasn't quite met full Darwin > criteria: > >> > > >> > NOMINEE #19 Arkansas Democrat Gazette, July 25, 1996: > >> > Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident, Cotton Patch, Ark. > > >> > Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck > left > the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early > Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the > accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc > and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious > condition > at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were > returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday > night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men > concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned > out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the > .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box > next > to the steering wheel column. > >> > Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate > properly and the two men proceeded on east-bound toward the White > River > bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before > crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and > struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the > right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only > minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery > to > repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was > treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when > Thurston > shot his nuts off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been > a > trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first > for > me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident > happened", said Snyder. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Douglas J. Goglia, Esq. > Constantine & Partners > 909 Third Avenue > New York, New York 10022 > telephone: (212) 350-2700 > direct-dial: (212) 350-2713 > facsimile: (212) 350-2701 > dougjg@earthlink.net > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Shan Willis > Sent: Tuesday, January 27, 1998 12:43 PM > To: Anthony Bodnar; Barbara Wood; Beth Harre; Chris Miro; Dianna > Oppegard; Ellen Adams; Francesca Longo; Gregg Menell; Helen Gorry; > Judith Hansen; Kathleen Sarago; Laura Reiter; Matt Epstein; Maura > Miller; Maureen Hanlon; Mercedes Perez; Nyisha Bowen; Page Henty; > Peter > Smith; Richard Bareford; SAMIYA BASHIR; Shalom Leaf; Simon Prisk; > Susan > Von Der Osten; Yee Wah Chin > Subject: FW: unbelievables..... > > > > Tennessee: > A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's > video camera. While it was recording, remotely. (That is, the > videotape > recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the > videotape of himself stealing the camera.) > > Louisiana: > A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked > for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a > gun > and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly > provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-leaving the > $20 > bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? > Fifteen dollars.(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, > was > a crime committed?) > > Arkansas: > Seems this guy wanted some booze pretty badly. He decided that he'd > just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some > booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his > head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be > thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store > window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on > videotape. > > New York: > As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a mangrabbed her > purse > and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to > give > them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the > police > had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove > back > to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to > stand > there for a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes Officer, that's her. > That's the lady I stole the purse from." > > Seattle: > When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a > Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived > at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near > spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to > trying > to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage > tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, > saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. > > Newark: > A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was > a > car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone, and > told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper > and > wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was > arrested. > > Ann Arbor: > The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a > Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and > demanded > cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the > cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, > the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, > frustrated, walked away. > > And Finally, Kentucky: > Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain > from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of > pulling > the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off > their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the > chain > still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the > chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the > bumper. > > > > ************************************************ > > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Shan Willis > Sent: Thursday, October 16, 1997 8:40 PM > To: Ann Robertson; Anthony Bodnar; Barbara Wood; Barry Brust; > Bernard Laviscount; Beth Harre; Catherine Basciano; Celene Judge; > Chris > Miro; Christine Cavanaugh; Debora Lott; Denise Strait; Dianna > Oppegard; > Ellen Adams; Francesca Longo; Gregg Menell; Heather Waters; Judith > Hansen; Kathleen Sarago; Laura Reiter; Matt Epstein; Maura Miller; > Maureen Hanlon; Michael Berkeley-Hill; Nyisha Bowen; Page Henty; Peter > Smith; Richard Bareford; Ricky Bartz; SAMIYA BASHIR; Sandy Rowe; Sean > McBean; Shalom Leaf; Sheila Fralin; Simon Prisk; Stephen Kay; Susan > Von > Der Osten; Tina Rewekant; Wendy Mercado; Yee Wah Chin > Subject: FW: MORE STUPID PEOPLE! > > > > > A true story out of San Francisco: > > It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked > into > the branch and wrote "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this > bag." > > > While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he > began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call > the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of > America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few > minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She > read > it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the > brightest > light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick up > note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that > he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back > to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "Ok" and > left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the > man > a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of > America. > > --------------------------------------- > > 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a > mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed > in > the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the > mechanic > for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she > didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to > change > the oil. > > --------------------------------------- > > David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after > allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest > four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, > weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway > so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. > > ---------------------------------------- > > Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in > Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The > prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in > Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said > Christopher, > who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He > handed > it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of > cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute > recess to compose himself. > > ---------------------------------------- > > Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso > from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all > of > its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They > were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas > company > on the side of the truck. > > ---------------------------------------- > > Oklahoma City... > > Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience > store > in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant > district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of > defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was > the > robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I > should of blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then > quickly added, "- if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took > 20 > minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence. > > ---------------------------------------- > > R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing > their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit > neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer's > asked > him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's > license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they > arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed Gaitlin was > wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
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