[2402] in Humor
HUMOR: Don't Let This Happen To You!!
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Erik Nygren)
Mon Aug 3 16:39:53 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 03 Aug 1998 16:34:20 EDT
From: Erik Nygren <nygren@MIT.EDU>
------- Forwarded Message
From: Katy King <katyking@MIT.EDU>
Have You Been Thinking Too Much?
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I
was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't
true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking
and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid
friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to
the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it, exactly we are doing
here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off
the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night
at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in.
He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job,
you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed. "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said. "And I want a divorce!"
"But honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you
keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed to the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the
radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors...
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering
for Zarathrusta, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking
ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes
from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we
watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porkys." Then we share
experiences about how we've avoided thinking since last meeting. I still
have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...
easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
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