[233] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW Apr 15, 1994
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Apr 29 21:44:07 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 29 Apr 94 21:42:00 EDT
Date: Fri, 29 Apr 1994 18:04:20 -0600
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <matossian@aludra.colorado.edu>
From: dave-barry@marble.com (Keith Bostic)
WEIRDNUZ.323 (News of the Weird, April 15, 1994)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* A Montreal woman filed a lawsuit in February against the Alfred
Dellaire funeral home and the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal for
an incident last March. The woman claimed that three and a half hours
after the hospital's diagnosis that she had skin cancer, she received
a call from the funeral home, which somehow had access to her records,
offering its services. [Toronto Star-CP, 2-24-94]
Questionable Judgments
* In October, Houston, Tex., computer enthusiast Shawn Kevin Quinn, 17,
pleaded no contest to putting out a murder contract on the boyfriend of
a girl he had eyes for. According to the man Quinn contacted, Quinn
offered to pay $5.30 plus seven Atari game cartridges. After a
psychological exam portrayed Quinn as merely socially retarded by his
computer obsession, a judge sentenced him to 10 years' probation. [[Ft.
Worth Star-Telegram-AP, Oct93]]
* In January in Riverside, Calif., the fiancee of Frank Cisco Bridges,
43, bailed him out of jail on burglary charges on the morning of their
scheduled wedding, then decided to go through with the ceremony. Later
that evening, Bridges, who was reported to have AIDS, was arrested and
charged with raping a 7-year-old girl at the reception. Bridges's new
wife is a San Bernardino County, Calif., probation officer. [Oakland
Tribune-AP, 1-29-94]
* In July in Grasse, France, the two men who had taken $10 million in
jewels at gunpoint on the Riviera three days earlier were captured when
a traffic cop ticketed them for failure to wear their seat belts. The
same month, the number two person in the Colombia Medellin drug cartel,
Victor Hugo Polo, was arrested in Orlando, Fla., when he tried to
shoplift several items from a store at Universal Studios. [L. A. Times,
7-8-93; AP wirecopy, 7-20-93]
* Joel P. Matlock, 29, and Timothy L. Muhammed, 32, were arrested in
Topeka, Kan., in December after engaging in an alleged drug deal in
front of the Topeka police station. According to an officer, the men
said they had decided to do the deal there to discourage each of them
from killing the other after the deal was over. [Topeka Capital-Journal,
12-18-93]
* In Bay City, Mich., in December, according to prosecutor John
Keuvelaar, a man who had initially pleaded not guilty to theft changed
his plea to guilty after being informed that his girlfriend was out in
the hallway showcasing to her friends the four rings he was charged with
stealing. [Flint Journal, 12-3-93]
* In September a Baltimore, Md., county judge released Daniel O'Toole
Jr. from a state hospital for violent criminals, where he had been
confined since 1986 despite numerous petitions for his freedom. Instead
of confessing his guilt that year to a drunken driving charge, O'Toole
had chosen to plead not guilty by reason of insanity. He was sent to
the hospital for examination, found to be a "danger to the community,"
and had been there ever since. [Baltimore Sun, 10-3-93]
* In order to transport a 65-foot spruce Christmas tree from the San
Bernardino National Forest in California to the grounds of the U. S.
Capitol in November, workers had to saw off dozens of limbs so the tree
would fit into a truck for the journey. The limbs were numbered and
then reattached to the tree once it was planted on the Capitol grounds.
[Minneapolis Star-Tribune, Nov93]
* In February, Chattanooga, Tenn., criminal court judge Doug Meyer
released accused rapist Vincent L. Cousin, who once said that "voices"
told him to rape, pending a hearing a month later. Rejecting requests
that Cousin be released only with supervision, Judge Meyer said, "I
don't think he needs it, really. I think what he needs--he needs a
girlfriend [so] he won't have bad dreams again," said Meyer. Turning
to Cousin's lawyer, he said, "We'll let you arrange a dating service or
something." Three days later, after Cousin failed to attend a required
counseling session, Judge Meyer had him taken into custody. [Tuscaloosa
News-AP, 2-19-94]
People in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time
* In August while planting flowers on his mother's gravesite in Newtown,
Pa., Kenneth McLaughlin, 29, became stuck for over two hours when the
soft ground slowly gave way and trapped him at the knees under the
headstone. [AP wirecopy, 8-24-93]
* Mireya Funair, 30, was hospitalized in February after being trapped
for 40 minutes in her car buried up to her neck in concrete. A cement
truck had tipped over, and the truck's funnel had punctured the top of
Funair's car, pouring concrete directly into it. [Austin
American-Statesman, 2-2-94]
* In February, Gloria Rowell was hospitalized in St. Johnsbury, Vt.,
after being hit by a falling tree. She had been videotaping her husband
chopping down the 80-foot balsam and misestimated the tree's
trajectory. [[St. Johnsbury Caledonian-Record, Feb94]]
* Police arrested James Mullin, 17, in Schaumburg, Ill., in February
after he tried to buy beer at Cove Liquor by using a stolen ID
card--that of "Douglas Sharbaugh." The man behind the counter at Cove
Liquor knew it was stolen because he is Douglas Sharbaugh, who had had
his license taken in a truck break-in two months earlier. Mullin fled
but left his wallet, which contained his real driver's license. [Chicago
Tribune, 2-5-94]
The Weirdo-American Community
* In February, pediatric orthopedist William Zink of Orlando, Fla., was
detained by authorities pending further investigation of charges of
fondling young boys who were his patients. According to authorities,
one mother complained that in the course of 35 office visits by her son
for foot problems, the boy was given gloveless rectal exams 15 times;
another said her son received a rectal exam before surgery on an ingrown
toenail. Zink's attorney, Kirk Kirkconnell, said the charges reflect
differences in "interpretation of the way he practices medicine. You
are going to have a difference of opinion." [Orlando Sentinel, 2-19-94]
Undignified Deaths
* In October, a man in Deerfield Beach, Fla., drowned during a round of
golf at the Hillsboro Golf Club while trying to retrieve a ball he had
hit into a canal. [Tampa Tribune, 10-2-93]
Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
