[232] in Humor
HUMOR: Recent Short Stuff
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Apr 29 21:34:07 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 29 Apr 94 21:29:15 EDT
Date: Thu, 28 Apr 94 13:23:49 PDT
From: ckleinja@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: rocky@cadence.com (Rochelle Grober)
Subject: Humor: .sig 'o day
,.;. squirrels: a source of campus nutrition
|\__/| .~ ~.
/o=o'`./ .' recipe for squirrel au vin:
{o__, \ { ingredients:
/ . . ) \ 1 squirrel (remove hair)
`-` '-' \ } 1 bottle of Boones Strawberry Hill
.( _( )_.' to prepare:
:. '---.~_ _ _| Get really drunk, eat the squirrel.
- -----------------------------------
From: rocky@cadence.com (Rochelle Grober)
Subject: Quote o the Day
from alt.divination...
>Opportunity knocks only once,
>But karma will hunt you down.
- -----------------------------------
From: Scott Johnson <srj@cisco.com>
Subject: Unbelievable true story
Keystone Robbers
- ----------------
This is a true story, and is happening as we speak; the names have been
changed to protect the innocent and stupid, who are not the same people...
Seems that a friend's brother had his car stolen a few weeks ago, from in
front of their house. Turns out the thief lives a few miles away near the
friend's cousin's house. His cousin was walking to work this morning,
spotted the car in the thief's driveway, and called the cops.
The car was recovered, in better shape than when it was stolen ... it had
a new set of tires, and some work done on the engine !! The thief also
left a big box of keys and burglary tools in the car, which the cops
recovered, as well as a set of fingerprints from the car.
So I guess the moral of the story is to at least put stolen cars in the
garage...
- -----------------------------------
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
Subject: HUMOR: Bovine Bingo
It should be noted that this form of, er, lottery was started in the
US a few years ago. As I recall, a high school wanted to use it as
a fund raiser...
- -Drew
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <matossian@aludra.colorado.edu>
...
From: Elan Weekly 8-14 April
Bovine Bingo
The small Swiss town of Beckenried, on Lake Lucerne, has invented
the world's first game of ecological bingo: Dung Lotto. Up to three
cows wander around in a field divided into 2,000 squares, and players
have to guess on which one the first cow pat will drop. In the inaug-
ural game the Sfr3,500 ($2,500) top prize was won after 13 minutes
with a direct hit on square 1,346.
- -----------------------------------
From: Ira Feldman <ira@hpcss01.cup.hp.com>
Okay, here's a pretty old "heaven and hell" one:
A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he is given a choice of three
rooms to spend eternity.
He looks into the first room, where people are walking hot coals for
eternity. This does not strike him as what he wants to do for eternity.
In the second room, people walk a bed of nails for eternity; again, not
what our hero wants to do.
The third room is full of people knee-deep in manure drinking coffee.
Although it isn't very appetizing, the man finds this one more acceptable
than the other two, and chooses this room.
He enters, gets his coffee, and joins in converstaion. After ten minutes,
a voice blares from the loudspeaker, "Okay folks, coffee break's over.
BACK ON YOUR HEADS!"
- -----------------------------------
From: neuhold@dke.univie.ac.at (Karin Neuhold)
From: Evelyne Pichler <pichler@edvvie.edvg.co.at>
This wedding announcement appeared in our local newspaper about
a year ago. I think it's kinda funny, but that's probably because I've got
an engineering degree. :-)
Mr. and Mrs. Adam Ledford of Lincolnton announce the engagement and
forthcoming marriage of their daughter, Bridgett Ledford, to John May,
both of Boone. Ms. Ledford is an Appalachian State University graduate
with a bachelor of science degree in communications. She is a pharmacist
technician at Boone Drug on Deerfield road. May is the son of Mr. and
Mrs. Bill Tucker of Raleigh. He is also an ASU graduate and has a
bachelor of arts degree in philosophy and religion. He is employed
by Domino's Pizza.
- -----------------------------------
From: Kathy Lau (206) 865-3705 <kathode@grace.rt.cs.boeing.com>
Subject: More one-letter changes
SOUP D'ETAT - Big Brother decides what you should eat.
FAST ACCOMPLI - Wow!! You got that done already??
N'IMPORTS QUA - That's right, we only sell domestics here..
STATUE QUO - This monument ain't going anywhere
CHACUN A SON GOAT - Any pet you like
WINE QUA NON - This 1939 Bordeaux is really something
DOS ALITER VISUM - I'm sorry, you can't do this in DOS
NOTA BENZ - The bill for the Mercedes
COP AMORE - A real nice officer wrote me this ticket
TOUTE DE SUITS - I felt quite out of place in my jeans.
VIA DONOROSA - That way to the Red Cross Clinic...
DRAMATIS PERSONAL - One-person act
FAX ROMANA - All the way from Italy.
------- End of Forwarded Message
