[2275] in Humor
HUM: Flatulence Fate (**1/2,G)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Dan Dunn)
Sat Apr 18 17:54:37 1998
Date: Sat, 18 Apr 1998 17:31:20 -0400
To: apeterso@chem.bu.edu, hindman@hws.edu, bjudd@alum.mit.edu, cwdowd@tnp.com,
ADP5747 <ADP5747@aol.com>, craigl@pacbell.net, DNH1832@ziplink.net,
kinion1@llnl.gov, eman@pcapps.com, ggre101@aol.com,
jjdunn@ucsu.Colorado.EDU, "Scheuring, Matthew C" <ScheurMC@bp.com>,
Chitaley.Raajnish@BCG.com, ALLDUNNTTT@aol.com
From: Dan Dunn <dunster@MIT.EDU>
Cc: humor@MIT.EDU
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>Subject: HUM: Flatulence Fate (**1/2,G)
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>There was an old married couple that had lived happily
>together for nearly forty years. The only friction in
>their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of
>breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise
>would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause
>her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
>
>Nearly every morning he told her that he couldn't help it.
>She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be
>done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that
>it was just a natural bodily function and then he would
>laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with
>her hands.
>
>She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if
>he didn't stop, he would "fart out his guts" one day. Each
>day, she told him this same thing.
>
>The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the
>husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his
>guts out" until one Thanksgiving morning, before dawn, the
>wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed
>pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course, the turkey.
>While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought
>occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's
>problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the
>turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours
>before her husband would awake. While he was still soundly
>asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled
>back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all the
>turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up
>and replaced the covers and tiptoed down-stairs to finish
>preparing the family meal.
>
>Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his
>normal loud butt-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a
>blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
>as her husband ran to the bathroom. The wife could not
>control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled
>on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him
>she had finally gotten even.
>
>About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in
>his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his
>eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked
>him what was the matter. He said "Honey, you were right--all
>those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
>"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always did
>tell me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these
>days and today it finally happened. But with God's help and
>these two fingers, I think I got'em all back in!!"
>
>
> Submitted by: Michael Moore, Tallahassee FL
>
>
>
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