[2219] in Humor
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daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yelya)
Wed Jan 21 14:01:55 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 13:53:56 EST
From: Yelya <yelya@MIT.EDU>
Subject: joke (fwd)
> HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN
> MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET NO. EC36C-24-36
>
> " WOMAN" : A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
>
> Element: Woman
> Symbol: Wo
> Discoverer: Adam
> Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg, may vary from 40 - 200kg
> Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas
>
> Physical properties:
> 1. Surface usually covered in painted film
> 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
> 3. Melts if given special treatment
> 4. Bitter if incorrectly used
> 5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore
> 6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points
>
> Chemical properties
> 1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious
> stones
> 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
> 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
>
> reason
> 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by
> saturation in
>
> alcohol
> 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
>
> Common uses:
> 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
> 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
> 3. Very effective cleaning agent
>
> Tests:
> 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
> 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
>
> Potential hazards:
> 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
> 2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be
> maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into
> direct contact with each other
>
> WARNING:
> PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL,
> MENTAL,AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE
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