[2204] in Humor
HUMOR: The X-mas Files
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Wed Dec 10 18:13:47 1997
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 18:08:41 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, mgshea@aol.com, wheger@wbc-architects.com,
Kris_Kelly@notes.pw.com, jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU,
dahv@MIT.EDU, jsquill@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com, immer@MIT.EDU,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>, leite@fas.harvard.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 18:03:25 -0500
>To: abennett@alum.mit.edu, sharalee_field@harvard.edu, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com
>From: "Lorraine J. Rappaport" <ljr@MIT.EDU>
>Subject: FW: The X-mas Files
>
>
>>> Subject: The X-mas Files
>>>
>>> Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.
>>> Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated,
>>> mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly;
>>> stockings hung by the chimney, with care.
>>> You really think someone's been here?
>>> Someone, or something.
>>> Mulder, over here-it's a fruitcake.
>>> Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
>>> It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty
>>> and nice."
>>> It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
>>> Who? What are you talking about?
>>> Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could
>>> travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once
>>> each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend
>>> from the heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with
>>> jagged chunks of antracite.
>>> But that's legend, Mulder-a story told by parents to frighten
>>> children. Surely you don't believe it?
>>> Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on
>>> this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
>>> massive-and in a hurry.
>>> It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has
>>> been completely drained.
>>> It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
>>> But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
>>> Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its
>>> wilding.
>>> But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and
>>> windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
>>> Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
>>> Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature
>>> landed on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue
>>> is barely six inchues wide. Nothing could get down there.
>>> But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at
>>> once?
>>> You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
>>> Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a
>>> child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white
>>> shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso
>>> was red and white. I'll never foget the horror. I turned away, and
>>> when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my
>>> father.
>>> Impossible.
>>> I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me
>>> a Mr.
>>> Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!
>>> I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of
>>> physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
>>> across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys.
>>> Listen to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If
>>> this gets out, they'll close the X-files.
>>> Scully, listen to me: It know when you're sleeping. It knows
>>> when you're awake.
>>> But we have no proof.
>>> Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected
>>> bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House
>>> ordered a Condition Red.
>>> But that was a meteor shower.
>>> Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer
>>> vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody-not even
>>> the zookeeper-was told about it. The government doesn't want people to
>>> know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to
>>> exist the public will stop spending half its annual income in a
>>> Christmas shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they
>>> cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at
>>> stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.
>>> Mulder, I-
>>> Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?
>>> On the roof. It sounds like...a clatter.
>>> The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter... >>
>
>
>
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