[2137] in Humor
HUMOR:Blackadder Quotes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Victor P Morales)
Thu Jul 17 00:17:33 1997
From: Victor P Morales <vicmoral@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997 00:09:59 EDT
Hello all, I ran across these online a while back and I thought that
they would be a good way to start off my stint as Humormeister. Enjoy!
-v-
----------------------- Blackadder Quotes ----------------------
I'm off to the queen.
Shall I come too, my lord?
No...better not, people might think we're friends.
- Edmund and Percy : Head
The fashion these days is towards the tiny...
Well, in that case, Percy, you have the most fashionable brain in
Britain.
- Percy and Edmund : Head
Now, if you play straight with me, you'll find me a considerate
employer. But cross me, and you'll soon discover that under this
playful, boyish, exterior...beats the heart of a ruthless, sadistic..
..maniac.
- Edmund : Head
You are to be congratulated, my friend. We live in an age where illness
and deformity are commonplace, and yet Ploppy, you are without a
doubt the most...repulsive individual I've ever met. I would shake
your hand, but I fear it would come off.
- Edmund : Head
'Good morning Mistress Ploppy', he'd say..and _I'd_ say..'Good morning,
_Mr_ Ploppy'...!!!!
.......The long winter evenings must just _fly_ by...
- Mrs Ploppy and Edmund : Head
Why do I have to have a bag on my head?
In order, nin-com-poop, that she should believe you're her husband!
Why..did he use to wear a bag on his head?
- Baldrick and Edmund : Head
Look, cretins, the bag is there to obscure Baldrick's own features...
..And many might think, incidentally, that that would be reason
enough for him to wear it...
- Edmund : Head
We're training up our new executioner, and he's a little immature.
Takes him forever. Slash, slash, slash...by the time he's finished
you don't so much need a spike as a toast rack...
- Edmund : Head
Alright, Baldrick. Let's try again. This is called 'Adding'. If I have
two beans, and I add _two more_ beans, what do I have?
...Some beans.
Yes...and no.
- Edmund and Baldrick : Head
Try again. One..two..three.._four_! So how many are there?
Three.
What?
...and that one.
- Edmund and Baldrick : Head
To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to
other people, wasn't it?
- Edmund : Head
I must look to my own dear tiny darling to sustain me in my frail
dotage.
But Father, surely...
Yes, Kate. I want you to become a prostitute.
- Kate and her father : Bells
...For 'tis better to die poor than to live in shame and ignomany.
No, it isn't.
- Kate and her father : Bells
Sorry I'm late!
Oh, don't bother apologising. I'm sorry you're alive.
- Percy and Edmund : Bells
I'd like to see the Spaniard who could make his way past _me_!
Well, go to Spain. There are millions of 'em.
- Percy and Edmund : Bells
This is _the_ Jane Harrington?
(with pride) Yes!
Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington?
- Edmund and Percy : Bells
You'll get over her.
(Percy readies his aim and prepares to shoot the arrow)
...I did.
(Percy is distracted, and has to re-aim.)
......So did Baldrick, in fact...
- Edmund to Percy : Bells
