[2114] in Humor
HUMOR: Pickups & putdowns
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Jun 12 13:29:40 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 1997 13:26:15 EDT
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 1997 12:57:00 -0700
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
1.) Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
2.) In the department of "nice turn downs" there's this one:
I'll have to think about that, thinking makes me tired,
when I'm tired I want to sleep, not make love, so let's
not, okay?
3.) Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
4.) Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
5.) The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who
used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked
a girl to dance and she refused:
Man: "Want to Dance?"
Woman: "No, thank you."
Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
6.) Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
7.) Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "Female impersonator."
8.) Man: "You know, I'd really love to travel to exotic places with you."
Woman: (tries to ignore him)
Man: "You know what? I also love sex. What do you say to that?"
Woman: "Hmmm...you really love sex and travel?"
Man: (nods his head smiling)
Woman: "Then go take a fuckin' hike!!!"
9.) I like the line I once heard in a movie. This guy was trying to pick
up this girl, and she said to him, "Can you pound a railroad spike
through a 2x4 with your hard-on?" To which he merely shudders a
negative. She says, "Well, a girl's gotta have her standards."
10.) Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter."
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
11.) Q: What sign were you born under?
A: No Parking.
12.) A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pick-up line. She grabs
his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I
don't see any potential here" and nonchalantly walks off.
13.) And here's one including the correct snappy return
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized, screw off!"
14.) After hearing a pick-up line:
Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
15.) A girlfriend of mine once had a graying man in his 60's approach her
in a club while she was in college with the line, "Where have you
been all my life?" She took one glance at him and said, "For the first
half of it, I probably wasn't born yet."
16.) A friend of mine came up with a very quick response over vacation.
We were walking down the street and I glanced at a girl who had just
walked by. She turned around and said to me, "What are you looking
at?"
My friend, walking next to me came to the rescue, "He thought you were
good looking, but he was mistaken."
17.) While at college, a few friends were discussing how their "passes"
had been rejected by the intended female receiver. One of the ladies
explained how she handled it once...
When the guy, obviously getting irritated, blurted out something
like, "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason!"
She responded, "Yea! Let's pick up some chicks!" He immediately
blanched, and decided that maybe he would look someplace else.
18.) The attractive young woman was sitting at the bar, alone, when the
lounge lizard made his move. "I'm here," he breathed huskily, "to
fulfill your every sexual fantasy." The woman turned and looked at him.
Her lips parted and she moistened them with the tip of her tongue. She
leaned toward him with her hands on her thighs, and her eyes
opened to the size of dinner plates. She paused just a second and
the delivered the crusher line, "You've got a large donkey or
Doberman?" The guy turned as green as his golf slacks and slipped
away without a word.
19.) "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
20.) Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good
time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks
that your body can't cash."
