[2098] in Humor
HUMOR: Medical record quotes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Jun 6 10:14:53 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 06 Jun 1997 10:12:19 EDT
Date: Thu, 05 Jun 1997 22:36:30 -0700
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated
by physicians, which appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer,
Ph.D..................................
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was
feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to
his feet.
On second day, the knee was better and on the third day, it had
completely disappeared.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
Discharge status: Alive, but without permission.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
original complaints.
The patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
