[2076] in Humor
HUMOR: You might be a yankee...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Tue May 20 10:07:03 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 20 May 1997 10:03:14 EDT
Date: Tue, 20 May 1997 01:14:29 -0700
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
You might be a Yankee if...
1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"
correctly.
4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
5) You don't know what a moon pie is.
6) You've never had grain alcohol.
7) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.
8) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
9) You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on
road trips.
10) You have no idea what a polecat is.
11) Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes
over your head.
12) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
13) You don't have bangs.
14) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
15) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of
the same prep school in Connecticut.
16) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his
own TV fishing show.
17) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call
them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
18) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
19) You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife
show.
20) You think more money should go to important scientific research at
your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
21) You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the
house.
22) The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from
getting on an on-ramp on the highway.
23) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
24) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at
Neiman Marcus.
25) You call binoculars opera glasses.
26) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side
of the road and stopping.
27) You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
28) You don't know what applique is.
29) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy
Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
30) You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make
one.
31) You've never been to a craft show.
32) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
33) You can't do your laundry without quarters.
34) None of your fur coats are homemade.
