[2062] in Humor
HUMOR: It says 'jelly,' doesn't it?
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri May 9 15:49:23 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Cc: trjackso@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 09 May 1997 15:29:40 EDT
Date: Fri, 09 May 1997 11:04:32 -0500
From: Joe Ziehler <ziehler@psicorp.com>
Just when you think you've heard it all... This gem is from the west
coast office and it clearly points out that there are WAY too many
lawyers and morons in this country...
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Subject: Woman Eats Contraceptive Jelly Date: Tuesday, April 29, 1997
2:10PM
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. - A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a
popular contraceptive jelly - because she ate the stuff on toast and
got pregnant anyway.
And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an excellent
chance of collecting!
"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we
not use his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a vaginal
gel will prevent conception?
"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false
advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a lot of noise
and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we waste
time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help our
public relations any."
A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked
and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she has
to do is open the box and read the directions," says the spokesman.
"Next thing you know someone will come after us because they couldn't
stick things together with their toothpaste.
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why
can't I glue these papers onto my bulletin board?' "
But attorneys for Mrs. Chyton say she was swindled and lied to by
implication and they intend to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for the
hardship the woman will have to endure.
"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model who
was once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team.
"And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food
section. I know, now, that the directions say it should be used
vaginally with a condom.
"But who has time to sit around reading directions these days -
especially when you're sexually aroused?
"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy shouldn't
sell it without telling each and every customer who buys it that
eating it won't prevent you from getting pregnant."
As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the
lawsuit. "It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits,"
said another attorney.
"With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups, the
temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal
action against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this."
