[2055] in Humor
HUMOR: Squawk Sheets
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri May 2 09:15:48 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 02 May 1997 09:13:50 EDT
From: John Kim <kim@mak.com>
>From: glp@afmss4.sanders.lockheed.com (Gerri L. Passarelli)
>Date: Thu, 1 May 1997 10:47:49 -0400
>From: jharris0 (John Harris)
From Actual Military "Squawk Sheets"
(Squawk sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight crews to
inform the maintenance crews of problems with the aircraft.)
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.
