[2052] in Humor
HUMOR: Three Classics
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Apr 30 13:58:14 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 1997 13:46:23 EDT
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 1997 12:51:50 -0500
From: Joe Ziehler <ziehler@psicorp.com>
There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty
well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his
watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some thought
he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids
away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The
next day the kids showed up and saw the sign which said, "Warning, one
of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
So the kids ran off, and made up their own sign and posted it next to
the sign the farmer had made.
The next week the farmer was looking over his field and was pleased
to note that no watermelons were missing, but he also noticed a new
sign next to his.
He drove over to take a look. The new sign said, "Now there are two."
----------------------------------------
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was
loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills,
drugs, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little
eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was,
him and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and
partying next to the pool.
The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up. He
calls for silence and says "OK, the first person the swims across my
pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and
says "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money
and my house."
Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person the swims across my
pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."
Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my
money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all the dope you can
handle, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and
all the girls you can handle; everything I own."
"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he
rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging.
Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side.
The rich guy on tower jumps down and runs over to him.
"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done.
Do you want the money now or later?"
"I don't want the money."
"Do you want the house now or later?"
"I don't want the house."
"Do you want the cars and planes now or later"
"I don't want the cars or the planes."
"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"
"I don't want that either."
"Do you want the drugs now or later?"
"I don't want the drugs."
"Do you want the girls now or later?"
"I don't want the girls."
The rich guy looks at him and says "Well what the hell do you
want?!?!"
"I want the bastard that pushed me in."
A guy was playing golf at some fancy club, and just as he was about
to tee off, a cart drives up. These two guys get out and hand him a
note saying, "We are deaf mutes, may we play through?".
The guy says, "Hell no!", and tees off anyway.
Later on (after six shots), he is on the green about to putt when a ball
comes from out of nowhere and misses his head by an inch.
"What the @#$%^&*?", he yells, As the deaf mutes drive up and hand
him a note that says, "FORE !!!!!!"
