[2051] in Humor
HUMOR: How to Write a Paper in the 90's
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Apr 30 13:48:36 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 1997 13:42:24 EDT
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 97 10:49:57 MDT
From: rmerz@hac.com
It would be interesting to see this for a computer, since pencils are
rapidly becoming relics, and high school students haven't even seen
a typewriter!
Here's a start...
>
>
>
> Subject: how to write a paper
>
> 1.Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with
> a computer monitor directly in front of you at eye level.
>
> 2.Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
>
> 3.Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you
> concentrate.
>
> 4.Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend
> from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can
> both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If
> your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in
> one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him.
>
> 5.When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable
> chair in a clean, well lighted place with a computer monitor directly
> in front of you at eye level.
>
> 6.Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you
> understand it.
>
> 7.You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth
> grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so
> you can concentrate.
>
> 8.Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
>
> 9.Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's if, I mean it, as
> soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
>
> 10.Listen to the other side.
>
> 11.Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
>
> 12.Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing
> yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the
> university, the world at large.
>
> 13.Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place
> with a computer monitor directly in front of you at eye level.
>
> 14.Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue;
> savor its special flavor.
>
> 15.Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing
> something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due
> in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to
> Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
> a) Pro Bowler's Tour
> b) any movie starring Don Ameche.
>
> 16.Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
>
> 17.Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching.
> Discuss the finer points of the plot.
>
> 18.Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
>
> 19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who
> everyone is.
>
> 20.Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the
> future.
>
> 21.Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
> trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
>
> 22.Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place
> with a computer monitor directly in front of you at eye level.
>
> 23.Read over the assignment one more time.
>
> 24.Play just one game of Solitaire.
>
> 25.Play Solitaire until you win.
>
> 26.Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
>
> 27.Lie face down on the floor and moan.
>
> 28.Leap up and type the paper.
>
> 29.Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had
> to write the paper.
>
