[2041] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Wife 1.0
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Apr 23 15:29:21 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 1997 15:19:38 EDT
A friend from Iran pointed out that if he had run Wife 1.0 under the
KORAN OS, many of his complaints would have been solved. As a matter
of fact, you can multitask up to Wife 4.0 without any system
penalties. I countered that while true, some of the older versions of
the KORAN OS are resource hogs, run kinda slow and upon occasion spawn
demon processes which can cause the system to bomb with corresponding
hardware damage... :)
-Drew
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 1997 10:55:54 -0600
From: Merlyn Liberty <merlyn@swcp.com>
From: "Larry West" <llwest@flash.net>
>
>Here it is.....
>sorry about the delay
>
>=====================================
>>>>Subject: Upgrade?
>>>>
>>>> Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0.
>>>> He found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources
>>>> for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is
>>>> spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable
>>>> resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in
>>>> the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have
>>>> informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the
>>>> application. Not only that: Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is
>>>> always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all
>>>> other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as
>>>> PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to
>>>> run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even
>>>> though they always worked fine before).
>>>>
>>>> At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of
>>>> undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta
>>>> release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing
>>>> day.
>>>>
>>>> The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:
>>>>
>>>> * A "Don't remind me again" button
>>>> * "Minimize" button
>>>> * An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with
>>>> the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and
>>>> other system resources
>>>> * An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which
>>>> would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
>>>>
>>>> I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife
>>>> 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many
>>>> problems. Apparently you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of
>>>> GirlFriend 1.0. You have to completely uninstall GirlFriend 1.0
>>>> first. Others say this is a long standing bug which I should have
>>>> been aware of. Apparently the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts
>>>> over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such
>>>> a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for
>>>> GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of
>>>> the application in the system.
>>>>
>>>> Another thing that sucks-all versions of GirlFriend continually
>>>> pop up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to
>>>> Wife 1.0.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> BUG WARNING
>>>>
>>>> Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1
>>>> before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files
>>>> before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to
>>>> install, claiming insufficient resources.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> BUG WORK-AROUNDS
>>>>
>>>> To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different
>>>> system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink
>>>> 6.0. Also beware of similar shareware applications that have been
>>>> known to carry viruses which may affect Wife 1.0.
>>>>
>>>> Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider
>>>> under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of viruses which could be
>>>> accidentally downloaded from the UseNet.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> EDITOR'S COMMENT
>>>>
>>>> This guy is obviously a beginner. He should realise that a sensible
>>>> virus protection policy will also greatly decrease the risk of Wife
>>>> 1.0 spawning a child process!
>========================================
