[2028] in Humor
HUMOR: Tax Humor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Sat Apr 19 12:36:25 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Sat, 19 Apr 1997 12:35:23 EDT
Date: Thu, 17 Apr 1997 22:56:36 -0700
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
From: "Larry Deutsch" <larry@visigenic.com>
From: "Chan, Marsha" <marsha_chan@wvmccd.cc.ca.us>
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
There is nothing that can teach speed reading as fast as
getting an unexpected letter from the IRS.
There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist.
The taxidermist leaves the hide.
Death and taxes will always be with us - but at least death doesn't get
orse.
Taxpayer: A person who resents that death and taxes don't come in that order.
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an
income tax return.
Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form
than it does to make the income. -- Alfred E. Neuman
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Albert Einstein
The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but
doesn't have to take a civil service examination. -- Ronald Reagan
Avoid strong drink. It can make you shoot at a tax-collector... and miss.
-- Lazarus Long
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
-- Herman Wouk
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the
zero adjust on his bathroom scale. -- Arthur C. Clarke
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted
to put a check mark about three inches away. -- Tom Lehrer
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice
as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H.L. Mencken
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. Even when
you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through
if you are a crook or a martyr. -- Will Rogers
There is only one thing I can promise you about the outer space program: Your
tax dollar will go further. -- Wernher von Braun
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial
tax cut save you thirty cents? -- Peg Bracken
Capital punishment: The income tax. -- Jeff Hayes
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is --
I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey
The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters
to win the next election.
The Chinese have a word for it. The Chinese for taxes is Li-Kin, pronounced
'licking.'
Earning money would be a pleasure - if it wasn't so taxing.
TAXATION: A system of revenue based on the principle that you can confiscate
only once but you can tax perpetually.
Tax Collector: 1. The only office that seeks the man
2. The man who always soaks the man who is saving up for
a rainy day.
The Wages of Sin are the only unwithheld income not taxed by the IRS.
I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government,
and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going.
- G.B. Shaw
I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection
with income tax policies.
William F. Buckley
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that
some men should be happier than others.
Oscar Wilde
