[2009] in Humor
HUMOR: In the name of, er, equal access...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Tue Apr 8 21:32:09 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 1997 21:27:32 EDT
From: Stephen Gilbert <stephen@psyche.mit.edu>
Date: Tue, 8 Apr 97 20:40:06 EDT
[to balance the penis metaphors...]
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Why the Internet Is Like a Vagina
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by my good friend Jean with a little help from me
--Donna (riley+@andrew.cmu.edu)
* The more people use it the bigger it gets.
* If you play with it too much you can go blind.
* You wouldn't *believe* the things people put in there!
* Some people think they know how to move around in it, but they
really can't interface.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive information
considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still
think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today
use it for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will
just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
* It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this
interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's
hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too
late.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too
much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
* You think you're just playing around, but you can get involved in
something that takes 9 months to finish.
* The part you see is actually just the front end of a very complicated
system.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it
will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did
I do that?"
* Some folks have it, some don't.
Those who have it think that those who don't have it are somehow
inferior.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's
not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many
of those who don't have it spend all their time trying to access it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
* Some people believe in security and avoiding penetration but others
believe it should be open to all comers.
* Both are subject to abuse by hardware dongles.
