[1986] in Humor
HUMOR: The Diagnostic Machine
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Mar 31 21:37:45 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 1997 21:26:38 EST
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 97 21:17:24
From: mkhusid@MIT.EDU (Michael Khusid )
A man complained to his friends, 'My elbow hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor'
His friend offered, 'Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the
drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a
doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will
diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs
$10.00'
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
sample of his urine and went to the drug store. Finding the computer,
he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started
making some noises and the various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to
wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to
give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and
urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he
masterbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug
store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the
$10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the
following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard,
Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms,
Give him vitamins.
Your daughter's on drugs,
Put her in rehab.
Your wife's pregnant,
It ain't yours---get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off,
Your tennis elbow will never get better.
