[196] in Humor
HUMOR: Bulwer-Lytton entrees
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Apr 13 09:38:05 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 13 Apr 94 09:36:30 EDT
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 94 12:56:39 PDT
From: ckleinja@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
You all know about the Bulwer-Lytton contest? It's for the worst
opening line to a non-existent novel.
From: "Marc Kenig" <marc_kenig@blyth.com>
FWD>More Bulwer-Lytton entries
Jimmy was a very smart boy, and he enjoyed church very much,
but when the choir began singing "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear,"
he didn't concentrate on singing the song as he should have;
instead, he wondered why Gladly didn't go to an opthalmologist
and why they were singing a song in church about a woodland
animal with an eye problem.
-- Timothy House (Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry)
The horror! -- ah, the horror! -- of it all envelops me e'en
now in the gelid amnion from which no natural force may e'er
propel me, claw me, drag me forth, so enervating was that
unholy power which laid its claim to my very soul and to all
things of the earth my outer husk might touch; so puissantly
vile it was that to permit the most halting syllable of this
unspeakable profanation to pass my lips would blight the
auditor and drag him down to utter ruin; so instead I'll tell
you my favorite story about Bunnykins and Meemo.
-- Cecily Korell (Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry)
With six-guns blazing she fought her way through the crowded
saloon, never stopping to worry about where she'd left her
clothes or the man in the rabbit suit she'd just left
upstairs.
-- Jan Butchart (Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry)
"Sex is all I ever seem to think about," grumbled Humphry as
he turned from the freshly dug grave, wiped the loose dirt
from his hands and knees, and leaned against the lurid neon
sign proclaiming "SAM'S CEMETERY -- YOUR PUTREFACTION
GUARANTEED" to smoke a stale cigarette while casually stomping
a rat.
-- Amy Woodward (Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest entry)
---------------------
(Actually, I'd heard that first one as "Gladly the Constipated
Cross-Eyed Bear.")
------- End of Forwarded Message
