[1918] in Humor
HUMOR: Bay Area Native Quiz
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Feb 28 12:34:59 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 28 Feb 1997 12:25:03 EST
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 1997 23:03:34 -0800
From: Connie Kleinjans <connie@interserve.com>
From: Jonathan Chu <jchu@srs40cm.srs.lmco.com>
Bay Area Native Quiz
Want to know if someone is a native of the San Francisco Bay Area? Want to
find out if you qualify yourself? Take the following quiz and find out!
1) Complete the following phrase:
Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, __________
2) Name the five bridges that cross San Francisco Bay.
Extra credit: put them in order from north to south.
Extra extra credit: explain how to get across the Golden Gate
Bridge during rush hour in less than an hour.
3) Complete the following phrase: 2400 Mission, top of the hill,
__________
4) You're at a San Francisco Spiders hockey game at the Cow Palace. (True:
a team called "the Spiders" play at a place called "the Cow Palace." Go
figure.) A woman comes out to sing the Star Spangled Banner wearing a
huge hat with a model of the entire financial district, including the
TransAmerica building, on top of it. Your response is:
a) "Hey, look at that idiot wearing the dorky hat!"
b) "Hey, look at that woman wearing the cool hat!"
c) "Hey, Beach Blanket Babylon!"
5) Explain the following joke: "I don't want to call her ugly, but
whenever I say 'TV 20,' she turns her head."
6) Which of the following is your typical response to an earthquake?
a) "Earthquake! We're all gonna die!"
b) "Earthquake! Great! Now I don't have to go into work today."
c) "Earthquake? We had an earthquake today? I didn't feel it."
7) Match up the following people with the phrases/shows they're associated
with:
a) Bob Wilkins 1) Baghdad-by-the-Bay
b) Pat McCormick 2) Creature Feature
c) Herb Caen 3) Sacratomato
d) Dr. Donald D. Rose 4) Dialing for Dollars
8) If someone asked you how to drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles,
what would be your response?
a) Get onto 101 south and take it all the way.
b) Take 80 east to 580 east to 5 south, then take it all the way.
c) Los Angeles? Why do you want to go to Los Angeles?
9) Which of the following is NOT, repeat NOT, a valid name for a Bay Area
sports stadium, and I don't care how much money they paid?
a) Oakland Coliseum
b) San Jose Arena
c) Candlestick Park
d) 3Com Park
10) The word "Frisco" is:
a) A cute little nickname for that city we also know as
"San Francisco."
b) A really annoying shortening of "San Francisco," no doubt
started by Southern Californians who can't say words
longer than two syllables.
c) The result of a satanic plot.
d) Beats me. Never heard the word before in my life.
11) The little man is on the edge of the chair, clapping wildly; the
little man is sitting in the chair and clapping; the little man is sitting
in the chair and leaning forward; the little man is asleep in the chair;
and the chair is empty. What did I just describe?
12) In referring to a general region of the Bay Area, which of the
following terms is never used? What is that area called instead?
a) Marin
b) West Bay
c) East Bay
d) South Bay
13) BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) is not in fact rapid transit for the
entire Bay Area. For instance, it doesn't run to Milpitas (but can you
blame them?) Which of the following is another city that BART doesn't
currently serve?
a) Richmond
b) Fremont
c) Daly City
d) San Jose
14) Which of the following would you be likely to see people wearing at
Bay to Breakers?
a) running shorts
b) an Elvis costume
c) a fancy ball gown
d) a fancy ball gown worn by a male
e) all of the above
Answers:
1) San Jose
2) From north to south:
Richmond-San Rafael Bridge
Golden Gate Bridge
Bay Bridge
San Mateo Bridge
Dumbarton Bridge
Extra extra credit question answer: walk
3) Daly City
4) "c"
5) It means she's a dog (if you still don't get it, ask a native to
explain
it to you)
6) "c"
7) Bob Wilkins -- Creature Feature
Pat McCormick -- Dialing for Dollars
Herb Caen -- Baghdad-by-the-Bay
Dr. Donald D. Rose -- Sacratomato
8) "c"
9) "d"
10) "b," "c," or "d"
11) The movie rating system in the pink section of the San Francisco
Chronicle.
12) "b" -- it's called the Peninsula
13) "d" (Can you believe it? San Jose doesn't have BART. Neither does
the entire Peninsula south of Daly City. It's a conspiracy by those
CalTrain people, I just know it.)
14) "e"
Scoring:
12-14 correct -- you're a true Bay Area native. Feel free to look down on
Los Angeles with pride. (You probably already do.)
8-11 correct -- you've probably lived in or near the Bay Area for awhile,
but you're not yet a true native. You may occasionally leave the water
running, or throw out your aluminum cans. Keep trying and you'll get
better eventually.
4-7 correct -- You know a couple of things about the Bay Area, but you're
far from being a native. Probably some of what you did get right were just
lucky guesses. Go back to Los Angeles (even if you're not from there).
0-3 correct -- forget it. Don't kid yourself. You're not even a
Californian, let alone a Bay Area native. Go back to Wisconsin. If
you're not from there, you might as well be.
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