[1874] in Humor
HUMOR: Even More Star Wars Changes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Feb 6 12:16:31 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 06 Feb 1997 11:51:08 EST
Date: Thu, 06 Feb 1997 10:41:47 -0500
From: Joe Ziehler <ziehler@psicorp.com>
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"
15. New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick
himself.
14. He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist
of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
13. Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Leia on
the knee with a light saber.
12. Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use
the Fifth, Luke."
11. The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the
Hut.
10. Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
9. C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.
8. Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.
7. New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.
6. Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe... hehe... she said, 'Lay ya.'"
5. Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.
4. During one lonely night, Princess Leia finds R2D2's special
attachment.
3. Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
2. The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"...
1. Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene
none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.
