[1858] in Humor
HUMOR: Dating Application
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Jan 30 16:49:52 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 30 Jan 1997 16:37:18 EST
From: Jill Muchnij <muchnij@alleg.edu>
From: Emily Vogt <vogte@pellns.alleg.edu>
From: Ryan Fasenmyer <rjf153@psu.edu>
From: FASENMYER JEFFREY C <JFASENMY@LPGATE1.KELLY.AF.MIL>
>From: POK JONATHAN J.
>Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 1997 10:31 AM
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME: DATE OF BIRTH:
HEIGHT: WEIGHT:
IQ: GPA:
SSN: DL#:
BOY SCOUT RANK:
HOME ADDRESS:
CITY/STATE/ZIP:
Questions:
1. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?
2. Number of years parents married:
3. Do you own:
a van?
a truck w/ oversized tires?
a waterbed?
4. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
5. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean
to you?
6. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
7. Church you attend:
How often:
8. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest/minister?
9. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely - all answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone, ever.)
A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded
would be:
B. If I were beaten, the last bone in my body I would want broken is my:
C. A woman's place is in the:
D. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask me about is:
E. When I first see a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
(NOTE: If answer E begins with T or A, please discontinue filling out
the rest of the form and leave the premises keeping your head low and
running in a serpentine fashion.)
10. What do you want to be if you grow up?
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND THE HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Signature (that means sign your name):
Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow 4-6 years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it
would cause you injury).
If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen
wearing white ties and carrying violin cases
