[1813] in Humor
HUMOR: New Language Policy
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Tue Jan 14 16:55:39 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 14 Jan 1997 16:43:53 EST
Sounds like a translation manual for Dilbert...
Date: Tue, 14 Jan 1997 11:17:51 -0500 (EST)
From: LMCCOOPER@aol.com
MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals have
been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between
employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers,
this conduct will no longer be tolerated.
The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being
able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow
employees. Therefore, the management has compiled the following code phrase,
so the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.
Plase substitute the new phrase (NP) for the old phrase (OP) in future
conversations:
(OP) No f*king way!
(NP) I'm not certain that's feasible.
(OP)You've got to be sh*tting me!
(NP) Really?
(OP) Tell someone that gives a f*k!
(NP) Perhaps you should check with...
(OP) Ask me if I give a f*k!
(NP) Of course I'm concerned.
(OP) It's not my f*king problem
(NP) I wasn't involved with that project
(OP) What the f*k?
(NP) Interesting behavior.
(OP) F*k it, it won't work.
(NP) I'm not sure I can implement this.
(OP) Why the f*k didn't they tell me this sooner?
(NP) I'll try to schedule that.
(OP) When the f*k do they expect me to do this?
(NP) Perhaps I can work late.
(OP) Who the f*k cares?
(NP) Are you sure this is a problem?
(OP) He's got his head up his ass
(NP) He's not familiar with this problem
(OP)Eat sh*t
(NP) You don't say...
(OP) Eat sh*t and die.
(NP) Excuse me?
(OP) Eat sh*t and die, motherf*ker
(NP) Excuse me, sir?
(OP) What the f*k do they want from me?
(NP) You mean they weren't happy with this?
(OP) Kiss my ass.
(NP) So you'd like my help with this?
(OP) This job sucks
(NP) I love a challenge
(OP) Who the hell died and made you boss?
(NP) You want me to take care of this?
(OP) Blow me
(NP) I see.
Thank you for you cooperation in making this a warmer workplace!!
