[1802] in Humor
HUMOR: The Game of Romance
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Jan 8 15:21:47 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 08 Jan 1997 15:11:22 EST
Date: Wed, 8 Jan 1997 14:02:57 -0500 (EST)
From: LMCCOOPER@aol.com
From: speacock@br-inc.com (Scott Peacock)
Date: 97-01-08 11:37:58 EST
Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose them)
from their gals from "The Game of Romance: How to Keep Score" from
Men's Health Magazine, November, 1996, p 110-115, along with some
things that are just expected of guys, therefore having a score of
zero:
Simple Duties
-------------
+5 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty
liners with wings
-5 But return with beer
0 You check out a suspicious noise at night
0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing
+5 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something
+10 You pummel it with a six iron
-10 It's her father
Social Engagements
------------------
0 You stay by her side the entire party
-2 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat
with a college drinking buddy
-4 Who is Named Tiffany
-6 and Tiffany is a dancer
-8 and Tiffany has implants
Saturday Afternoons
-------------------
+1 You visit her parents
+3 You visit her parents and actually make conversation
-3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television
-6 And the television is off
-6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in
your underwear
-10 And you didn't even go to college
-15 And it's not really your underwear
Her Birthday
------------
0 You take her out to dinner
+1 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar
-2 Okay, it is a sports bar
-3 And it's all-you-can-eat night
-10 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your
face is painted the colors of your favorite team
0 You give her a gift
-10 You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance
+1 You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance
+2 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate
+30 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months
-10 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day
-30 With her credit card
-40 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big
Thoughtfulness
--------------
-25 You forget to pick her up at the bus station
-35 Which is in Newark, New Jersey
-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast
A Night Out with Your Pals
--------------------------
-9 You have a few beers
-2 For every beer after three,
-12 again And miss curfew by an hour
-20 You get home at 3 a.m.
-30 You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars
-40 And not wearing any pants
-200 Is that a tattoo?
A Night Out, Just The Two of You
--------------------------------
+2 You go see a comic
-2 He's crude and sexist
-5 You laugh
-10 You laugh too much
-15 She's not laughing
-25 You laugh harder
Driving
-------
-4 You lose the directions on a trip
-10 You lose the directions and end up getting lost
-15 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town
-25 You get lost in a bad part of town & meet the locals up close &
personal
-60 She finds out you lied about having a black belt
Communication
-------------
0 When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,displaying
what looks like a concerned expression
+5 When she wants to talk, you listen, forover 30 minutes
+10 You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the
television or picking up a newspaper
-10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep
ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
___________________________
Regards,
Scott Peacock
Burlington Resources IST
Gulf Coast Division
speacock@br-inc.com
281.878.3985
