[1698] in Humor
HUMOR: T-Shirt Slogans & Other Stuff
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Thu Nov 14 10:27:43 1996
Date: Thu, 14 Nov 1996 10:00:20 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Thu, 14 Nov 1996 09:48:19 +0400
From: jaz@MIT.EDU (Joe Ziehler)
Subject: The Top 50+ Geek T-Shirt Slogans
>>1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
>>2. COFFEE.EXE Missing -- Insert Cup and Press Any Key
>>3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
>>4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
>>5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
>>6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
>>7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
>>8. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
>>9. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS\RUN
>>10. <------------ The information went data way -------------
>>11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
>>12. The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
>>13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted ... Cereal Port Not Responding
>>14. The name is Baud ... James Baud.
>>15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go !!
>>16. Access denied -- nah na nah na nah nah !!
>>17. C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
>>18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staayy....
>>19. Why doesn't DOS ever say, "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
>>20. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
>>21. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
>>22. Backups? We don't NEED no steenkin' backups.
>>23. E Pluribus Modem
>>24. >... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
>>25. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny.
>>26. A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
>>27. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
>>28. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington, D.C.? (Y/N)
>>29. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
>>30. A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
>>31. 11th commandment -- Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium
>>32. 24 hours in a day ... 24 Jolt Colas in a case ... Coincidence?
>>33. Disinformation is not as good as datinforation.
>>34. Windows: Just another pane.
>>35. SENILE.COM found ... Out Of Memory ...
>>36. Who is General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
>>37. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
>>38. RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
>>39. Shell to DOS ... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS ...
>>40. All computers wait at the same speed.
>>41. DEFN: Computer -- A device designed to speed and automate errors.
>>42. Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
>>43. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue ...
>>44. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue ...
>>45. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !!
>>46. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
>>47. Help! I'm modeming ... and I can't hang up !!
>>48. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegboawd awound?
>>49. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
>>50. "640k ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
>>51. DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
>>52. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
>>53. Press any key ... No, no, no, NOT THAT ONE !!
>>54. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit ...
>>55. Go ahead, make my data!
>
-----------------------------
Three hunters, a Texan, a Californian and an Oregonian, are
gathered around a campfire. The three have been drinking and
bragging about the virtues of their home states.
Suddenly, the Texan says, "Watch this." He opens a bottle of
tequila, takes a swig, tosses it in the air, pulls out a
pearl-handled revolver and shoots the bottle cleanly in two. "It's
a shame to waste that good liquor," the Californian says. "It's
OK," the Texan replies. "Where I come from, we've got plenty of
that."
Not to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a bottle of white
zinfandel. He pulls off the cork, takes a drink, throws the bottle
in the air, whips out an assault rifle and blasts the bottle,
sending shards of glass everywhere. "Shame to waste good wine,"
the Texan says. "It's OK," the Californian says. "We've got plenty
in my state."
At this point, the Oregonian stands up. He pulls out a bottle of
beer, twists off the cap and guzzles the entire thing. He throws
the bottle high in the air, pulls out a shotgun, empties both
barrels into the Californian and neatly catches the bottle. The
Texan stares in shock. The Oregonian calmly puts the gun down.
"It's OK," he says, "We've got plenty of them in my state.
Besides, this bottle is worth a nickel.
------------------------
>MORAL OF THE DAY
>
>One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class
>go home and think of story and then conclude the moral of that
>story.......
>
>The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell
>their story, little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every
>Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell
them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs
flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral
of the story... Suzy replies, "don't keep all your eggs in one basket"
>
>Next is little Lucy ... "well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
>take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
>8 of the 12 eggs hatched" ... teacher asks for the moral of the story ...
>Lucy replies "don't count your eggs before they're hatched"
>
> Last is little Billy ... "my uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, his
>plane was shot down over enemy territory" ... "he jumped out before it
>crashed with only a case Of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the
>way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the
>middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun,
>but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more.
>The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare
>hands" Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
> moral to his story ... Billy replies, "Don't f**k with uncle Ted
>when he's been drinking"
>
=======================================================================
Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
MIT Room 5-424 77 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139 <Standard Disclaimers Apply> Phone: (617) 253-7950
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