[1686] in Humor
HUMOR: Doctors' Bloopers
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Tue Nov 5 15:35:38 1996
Date: Tue, 5 Nov 1996 15:14:50 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Mon, 4 Nov 1996 23:41:01 -0800
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
From: Jonathan Chu <jchu@srs40cm.srs.lmco.com>
Doctor's Bloopers
Doctors are, for the most part, human. Which means they make blunders
and bloopers just like anybody else. The current Journal of Polymorphous
Perversity offers a collection of oddball medical reports-and as the
introduction warns, "this varicose vein of anguished English has in no
way been doctored." Some excerpts:
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee
amputation last year.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling much better.
The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her
husband.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40-pound weight gain in the past 3 days.
Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the ER and are not
available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
original complaints.
Seen in More Anguished English
By Richard Lederer
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