[1654] in Humor
HUMOR: UNIX Consulting
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Wed Oct 23 16:41:10 1996
Date: Wed, 23 Oct 1996 16:28:31 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Wed, 23 Oct 1996 10:33:17 -0600
From: Merlyn Liberty <merlyn@swcp.com>
>From: zorn@gumby.dsd.TRW.COM (Marc E* Zorn)
>From: "Rob Engle" <grenoble@bardot>
>Date: Fri, 18 Oct 1996 11:58:09 -0700
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
>
> Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of
> a program ?
>
> UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.
>
> Customer: No, what is it ?
>
> UNIX consul: Yes.
>
> Customer: So, which is the one ?
>
> UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
>
> Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
>
> UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r you'. You can also 'finger you' to
> get information about you'.
>
> Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
>
> UNIX consul: Use 'what'.
>
> Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
>
> UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.
>
> Customer: Which one ?
>
> UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
>
> Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find
> it?
>
> UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
> program' to get the revision code.
>
> Customer: I want to find the revision code.
>
> UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.
>
> Customer: Which command will do what I need?
>
> UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
>
> Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
>
> UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your
> system.
>
> Customer: Write what?
>
> UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
>
> Customer: Cut that out!
>
> UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
> options.
>
> Customer: Do you always do this ?
>
> UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.
>
> Customer: HELP!
>
> UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
>
> Customer: You make me angry.
>
> UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
> when I was upset once.
>
> Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
>
> UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system
> has 'more'.
>
> Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
>
> UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is
> better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but
> 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
>
> Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
>
> UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to
> the Pascal compiler team.
>
--
Andrew Bennett ->MIT Department Ocean Engineering<- abennett@mit.edu
MIT Room 5-424 abennett%athena@mitvma.bitnet
77 Massachusetts Ave. Phone: (617) 253-7950
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